Your Denpa
by Miraii
Summary: Kyou has more in common with the strange psychic girl than he realizes. Now complete!
1. Violence

****

Chapter 1.

It was approaching evening as Sohma Kyou ran through the forest, and the sunlight slanted sidewise through the trees. If Kyou had stopped to look around him, he might have been struck at what a truly beautiful autumn afternoon it was, but the headstrong boy just raced on, though by now he'd forgotten what had set him off in the first place. At length, panting from the exercise, he slowed to a stop and rested against a tree. Before he took a moment to wonder why, he started to climb, quickly and easily swinging to the very top of the tree, where he crouched on a branch and surveyed the woods below.   
He'd been sitting quietly there for some minutes before he saw the girl strolling through the trees. His body stiffened a little as he tried to identify her, but she was too far away, even with his above average eyesight. Something about her seemed familiar, though, and it was highly unusual for people who weren't from his family to be in these woods, since the Sohmas owned it. 

As she got closer, Kyou relaxed a little, recognizing her as Tohru's friend Hanajima Saki. Neither a family member nor a stranger, he wouldn't need to avoid nor threaten her. She did, however, make him uncomfortable. She was generally considered a dangerous psychic, and while he didn't know her well enough to have observed any truth in that rumor, there was definately something strange about Hanajima. She never seemed to get upset about anything, always spoke in a soft voice and kept her expression almost blank, and yet there was an intensity about her that gave one the impression that she could easily snap you in half if she wanted. 

Kyou stayed crouched on his branch, observing Hana with suspicion. What was she doing here? Was she simply going to pay a visit to Tohru, or did she perhaps know that there was something strange going on with the Sohmas, and was trying to gather information to expose them? The thought made him tense up like a cat about to pounce. Just at that moment, though, Hanajima surprised him by looking up, straight at him. "Konnichiwa, Sohma-san. What are you doing up there?" 

He was so shocked he nearly fell, but caught himself, and sullenly shouted down to her "What are you doing down there?" 

"Come down," she said sweetly. Kyou stared at her. Who did she think she was, walking into his forest and telling him to get out of his tree? He jumped to the ground, landing a few feet from her, glaring. 

"Why are you here?"  


She ignored his question, instead choosing to continue on her walk.  


"Hey!" He shouted. "Hey, you didn't answer my question! What are you doing here? Why'd you tell me to get down?" 

"To see if you would," Hana replied simply, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

Anger ripped through Kyou. "What?!?!" he roared. Hana didn't even flinch. 

"I'm sorry, Sohma-san."  


A whole new insult; she'd called him by his family name a second time. "Don't call me that," he muttered, turning away from her. 

"Then what shall I call you?"  


"By my name, stupid!"  


Ignoring the insult, Hana allowed a very small smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Very well, Kyou-san." 

He grunted and started to walk away, frustrated by Hana's little game. "Kyou-san!" she called after him, and then her hand had grabbed his arm, and at the contact, suddenly Kyou could feel her power, the incredible strength of her mind, and it was terrifying. Their eyes met and he felt himself shaking from the power emananting from her. Hanajima lowered her eyes, and in a very soft, low voice he almost couldn't hear, she said "You love her, don't you?" 

He didn't have to ask who she meant. Pulling his arm out of her grasp, still trembling, he gasped "You can, you are a-" 

"One does not need special abilities to see the hearts of the Sohma men in this matter," she said gently, looking up at him. "But there is something you hide." 

Kyou backed away. "Do you know what it is?" He stammered, wondering at the same time why he was so scared, as she had given no indication that she was going to hurt him. 

"No. But I know how to find out."  


Kyou had no idea what to say. The girl was so straightforward about all this. "What are you going to do?" 

"Nothing."  


"Nothing?!" His fear fled him long enough to make room for a flash of anger. "What do you mean, 'nothing?!' Then what are we even talking about?!" 

"I only want to know that she is safe. I can see from your face that she may not be." 

He froze. It was true. Tohru was never completely safe while she knew about the curse. Not as long as Akito was around. Every day Kyou lived with the fear that Akito was going to lose his patience and do something to get Tohru out of the picture. 

"Is she safe?"  


"I would die before I let anything happen to her," Kyou replied.  


Hanajima's large violet eyes studied him closely. "Good. Then we have something in common. "I'm going to continue on my walk now," she added. "Thank you, Kyou-san."  


She strolled off through the trees again. Kyou called after her "Hanajima! You're just taking a walk?" 

She turned around again. "It is a beautiful day." She smiled, and disappeared into the forest. 

- - - - -  


Kyou headed home. His meeting with Hanajima had left him shaken and upset. The psychic's sweet manner contrasted violently with the power of her abilities, and to Kyou, it was much more unsettling for someone of superior strength to be kind to him than cruel. He was used to taunts and jeers, not polite requests and gentle smiles.   
He jogged through the woods, trying to forget all of it, but the scene replayed itself in his mind against his will. 

She had not tried to find out about the curse. Why? "I know how to find out," she'd said. Did that mean that she knew hugging him would provide answers? Why hadn't she tried to hug him, then? 

"What kind of thinking is that?" he snapped at himself out loud. It was good that she hadn't. For another outsider to know, especially an outsider whose memory couldn't be erased, as he was fairly sure would be the case with Hana, would be looked on as catastrophic by the older members of the family. What would become of him, then? He felt quite certain that it would no longer be considered safe for him or the other Juniishi to live among normal people, at the very least. Yes, it was a damn good thing she hadn't pried.   
But why, that was the question that was driving him crazy. What possible reason could she have for not wanting to know? Who can resist a secret? And she could probably find out easily, just by reaching into his mind and taking it. So then why hadn't she? 

It wasn't until he came into the clearing with the house in it that it occured to him to think of what would happen to Tohru if Hanajima knew the secret. Another outsider... it was possible, wasn't it, that Akito might hurt her, once he'd realized that erasing Hana's memory wasn't possible? Kyou wouldn't put it past Akito to do something to Tohru. 

"Then we have something in common," Hana had said. She, too, would do anything to keep Tohru safe. 

"That must be it," he said to himself. She was afraid of putting Tohru in danger. Perhaps she had even seen that in his mind, and that was why she had not searched further. Satisfied with that answer, he slid into the house. 

He could smell the early stages of another magnificent dinner being prepared, and he followed the scent into the kitchen, and stopped, struck completely still when he saw Yuki helping Tohru chop vegetables, and suddenly remembered Hanajima's words: "...to see into the hearts of the Sohma men..." 

Perhaps he hadn't noticed because he didn't want to. Perhaps he had ignored it because he hated Yuki so much already. Who knows why, but Kyou was sure that he had never seen Yuki looking at Tohru with quite that expression before. Rage flooded into his body, taking control. How dare Yuki? It wasn't enough for him to have everything! It wasn't enough to be the golden boy of the family, to be adored by everyone at school, to have everything that he had, no, not for "Prince Yuki," he thought he deserved to have Tohru, too. 

"You damned mouse!" he screamed so loud he felt something ripping in his throat. Yuki and Tohru jumped and turned around, as they hadn't heard him enter the room until then. "I HATE YOU!" Kyou rushed him, throwing Yuki to the floor, screaming and pummeling him with all of his might. 

"Go outside! Don't break anything!" Shigure called helpfully from the living room, but Kyou was too far gone to hear. He couldn't see or hear anything, was not even aware of the fact that he was losing the fight badly. He just kept punching, hate coursing through his body, feeding every cell. 

- - - - -  


He came to in his room a few hours later, stripped naked and tucked in his bed. The first thing he was actually aware of was a dull pain. He was bruised all over, and his face was swollen. Everything hurt. He could only vaguely remember what had happened, and of the fight he remembered almost nothing at all. He wanted to believe that Yuki was in even worse condition than him, but he knew from experience that the mouse was probably fine. Probably taking Tohru on a date right now, he thought bitterly. 

The door opened a crack, and Tohru's face appeared. "Kyou-kun, you're awake!" she cried with relief and delight. "May I come in?" 

"If you like."  


She did, and knelt on the floor beside his bed. "I was so worried about you, Kyou-kun. Do you feel all right?" 

"Yes."  


"You've been asleep for hours and hours. Hatori came to look at you, we were all so worried!" Two fat tears coursed down the pretty girl's face. "I was so afraid." 

Kyou sat up, doing his best to ignore the pain that shot through his body when he did. "I'm all right, stop crying." 

She smiled through her tears. "You're right. I'm sorry."  


"Oh shut up. What kind of a thing is that to say, 'I'm sorry?'"  


"Yes. Yes, you're right. Now lie back down, you need to rest. Are you hungry? I saved some dinner for you; would you like me to heat it up?" 

He nodded. "Hurry up."  


She lept to her feet. "I'll be back in just a minute!"  


As he watched her go, he could almost hear Hana saying "I only want to know that she is safe." 


	2. First Connection

****

Chapter 2.

First Steps

It took a few weeks for Kyou to fully recover from the fight with Yuki. In the meantime he skulked around the hallways at school and endured the comments from classmates curious about his bruised and swollen face. At home he mostly stayed in his room, even taking his meals there because he couldn't stand to let Yuki see the evidence of his own victory. It was hard enough to have to sit through class with him, so sure that his cousin was laughing at him the whole time.   
Tohru, for her part, tried as always to heal the rift between the boys, but to no avail this time. Kyou refused to have anything to do with his cousin, and Yuki was still too angry about the unexpected attack in the kitchen to consider making peace. 

"I don't understand," Tohru said sadly to Hana and Uotani Arisa one morning after having walked all the way to school with the cousins not uttering a word to each other. "They had been getting along so much better lately!" 

"That Carrot Head is so easy to anger, you never know what will set him off," Uotani said disparagingly. 

"I might correct you, Arisa. One knows exactly what will set him off: everything," Hanajima replied. Hanajima's jokes sounded just like the rest of her speech to most, but her best friends could usually tell the difference. Uotani laughed. 

"You're right about that, Hana-chan," she agreed.  


Tohru smiled, but shook her head. "But I've never seen them this bad before. It's been a week and they still aren't speaking! It's making things very difficult around the house. Even Shigure-san isn't cheerful." 

"I'm sure it will work itself out. Those boys are just fools. Be patient, Tohru-chan, and try not to worry." 

"Yes," added Hanajima. "They have a great deal to keep them apart, but they have you to bring them together. Only take care not to drive them further." A small denpa wave flashed in the space between the two, a common signal that Hana wasn't being entirely serious. 

Tohru flushed pink. "I don't know what you mean, Hana-chan, it isn't like that with us! You know that!" 

"Don't worry, Tohru-kun."  


- - - - -  


That Saturday, Kyou found he had the house to himself. Tohru had gone to buy groceries, Yuki had been dragged off by his brother on one of Ayame's brotherly bonding excursions, and Shigure was locked up in his study finishing his latest work. Or more likely, napping and plotting a new way to give his editor an anurysm. 

He wandered around the little house for a while, trying to decide what he should do with himself. He couldn't bring himself to study for the test he had on Monday, nor did he have any interest in watching television or reading. Though Hatori had told him in his strictest, most doctorly voice not to push himself physically until his wounds were completely healed, Kyou thought he could certainly handle a little martial arts training in the yard. That's what he was doing when Hanajima appeared. This time he did fall over. 

"Forgive me for arriving without an invitation," she said, inclining her head slightly in a minimal bow. 

Kyou picked himself off the ground, embarassed and somewhat annoyed to see her again. He didn't say anything, only because he didn't know what he should say. 

"I brought a recipe that Tohru had asked to try."  


"She isn't here."  


Hanajima produced a card from her pocket. "Then would you be so kind as to give this to her?" 

He looked at it for a second, and before he had time to ask himself why, he heard himself inviting her in. "Nobody's home right now." Realizing the implications of that, he felt his face get red. "I don't mean- I just mean that you could wait, and- she should be back soon." 

"Thank you."  


Kyou led her into the house. "Tea?" he mumbled.  


"What about it?"  


He clenched his fists. "You know what about it! Do you want some?!" 

She lowered her eyes and smiled, and he realized she'd been deliberately trying to get him upset. "Yes, please." 

I'm going to kill her before the night is through, he thought. Tohru better get home fast. 

- - - - -  


As it turned out, though, Hanajima ended up staying for dinner. As Yuki wasn't present, the meal passed with minimal tensions. Afterwards, she sat in the kitchen talking with Tohru as Tohru did the clearing up. As Kyou was passing through, she asked, "Tohru-chan, do you have to do ALL the chores yourself?" 

"What kind of a question is that?!" Kyou demanded. 

Hanajima turned her heavy eyes to him. "I was only wondering if Tohru had to wash the dishes herself every night." 

"Oh it's alright, Hana-chan, I don't mind at all," Tohru said happily. "I like to do these things. It makes me feel useful, and it's how I pay for being able to stay here!" 

"She likes it!" Kyou cried triumphantly.  


"Yes, I heard her."  


"Of course you heard her! Obviously!"  


"Yes."  


Kyou couldn't think of a way to argue with "Yes," so instead he pushed Tohru away from the sink. "Get out of here, I'll do it." 

"But Kyou-kun-"  


"I SAID GET OUT OF HERE!" he shouted at her. "Go spend time with your visitor or something." 

"Oh Kyou-kun! Thank you! You are so kind!"  


"Just shut up and let me do the damn dishes!"  


He resentfully took his place at the sink as the girls left the kitchen, swearing to himself under his breath. A few moments later, Shigure went practically skipping into the living room and crowed "Tohru-kun! How did you get my little kitty-cat to wash dishes?" 

"SHUT UP!" Kyou bellowed, running in from the next room, fists raised. 

"He calls him his little kitty cat?" Hanajima whispered to Tohru. 

Tohru stammered around a response to that, but Shigure just grabbed Kyou and snuggled him, squealing "It's his nickname, isn't it, Neko-chan?" 

Wild-eyed, Kyou pushed the adult away and shouted "Stop it, idiot!" 

Shigure laughed, winked at Hana, and strolled off, looking ridiculously pleased with himself and humming a little song. Kyou recogized the tune and was glad that neither of the girls would know that Shigure was probably thinking something along the lines of "High school girls, high school girls!" Feeling very stupid, he gave both Tohru and Hanajima a glare, and stomped back into the kitchen to finish. 

"It is getting late," Hana said softly. "I must get home soon. I did not intend to intrude so long." She stood and made a move to get her shoes, but Tohru gasped. 

"Hana-chan, it is dark out! It's far too late for you to walk home alone!" 

"I will be quite alright," she reassured.  


"No, no, I will walk with you to be sure you get home." 

"Oh yes," snapped Kyou, having overheard from the doorway. "And then you'll have to walk home alone. Are you stupid? She can take care of herself." 

"I would still feel better if I went with you, Hana-chan. Let me go get my coat!" 

"Dammit, Tohru! You're not going anywhere!" Kyou shouted at her. "You're so damn stupid! If it's so important, I'll walk your stupid friend home." 

Hanajima watched this with interest. "It is unnecessary for anyone to acompany me," she pointed out in her soft voice. 

"SHUT UP! I'm taking you, and that's the end of it. Put on your shoes. Come on." Kyou dragged her out the door. "Let's get this over with." 

"Thank you, Kyou-kun! Goodnight Hana-chan!" Tohru called from the front door, waving. "I'll see you at school! Thank you for visiting!" 

"Goodnight Tohru."  


"Shut up and hurry," Kyou muttered at her. To himself he wondered, how did I get myself into this? Hana made him nervous, especially after the way she had acted in the woods that afternoon, and the unbelievable power he'd sensed inside of her. He was quite certain that she didn't need an escort home; if anything were to threaten her, she could certainly protect herself easily. But well-meaning, common-sense lacking Tohru would insist on going with her, as though Tohru would be any use in a fight! As though the walk back to the house for Tohru would be less dangerous somehow! 

"Are you going to be like this the entire walk?" Hanajima asked sweetly. 

"What?"  


"Because you could go back if you like. I am quite capable of walking home alone." 

"Look, I told Tohru I'd take you home, so I'll take you home, so don't try to get out of it." 

They had left the woods by now and were walking up one of the first city streets. When they stopped at a street light, Hana spoke again. 

"You are afraid of me. Aren't you, Sohm- Kyou-san?" she corrected herself. 

He jumped, nerves on edge. "Of course not! What a dumb question." 

"I can see it in your behavior. You are as jumpy as a nervous cat." 

She knew. She had to know. Why else would she say that? It must mean she knew. 

"It's all right, Kyou-san. Most people are afraid of me." 

"I told you, I'm not."  


"But I think you know..." her pace slowed and she turned her luminous eyes on him in a way that made him fidget. "...what it is to be feared. Don't you?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about."  


They walked on in silence for a while, until Hanajima continued: "All of my life people have been afraid of what I can do." 

"-Why are you telling me this?"  


She smiled, slowly. "So that you will tell me things about you." 

"Can't you just read my mind?" he sneered.  


"Do you want me to read your mind?" The question was serious. Kyou stared at her for a moment, so shocked that he stopped still. 

"..no."  


Another, small, secretive smile, and a wispy curl of energy started at her feet and circled the two of them. Kyou, eyes wide, stared with shock and nervousness at the girl's unnervingly calm expression. After a heavily loaded second, she spoke: "Then I won't," the denpa dissapated, and she went on walking. 

He faltered, unsure of where to go from here. "Well. Why do you want to know things about me in the first place?" 

It took her a long time to answer the question.  


"Your denpa is unlike anyone else's. A very strange energy surrounds you. Your cousin, the prince, his is unusual too, but not like yours. I can't understand it. But I think..." she paused, as though she were searching for the right words. "...I think I would like to know you." 

Kyou was thunderstruck. He didn't think that once in all his sixteen years had anyone ever told him that they wanted to know him. Much less told him so in such a straightforward way. With no reply, he simply kept walking alongside her, but inside his mind was absolutely churning. 

"I want to know what you're afraid of," she added, as an afterthought. 

"I'm not afraid of anything."  


"Everyone is afraid of something," she corrected him. 

"Well then what are YOU afraid of, huh?"  


Slowly, she admitted, "Of... hurting someone."  


"Who?"  


"Anyone." Hana didn't show it, but to communicate with someone without playing games or teasing was wearing her out a little. "And you?" 

"I told you, nothing. Read my mind if you don't believe me." 

Hana stopped walking. "That's the second time you've told me to." 

Since he didn't know which direction her house was in, Kyou also stopped. "So?" 

She reached up with one hand and touched her fingers to his temple. She closed her eyes, and Kyou felt the featherlight touch of her mind inside his, just for an instant. Then her eyes opened, and there was a new expression of sadness and empathy in them, and her hand fell against his cheek. "Of being alone," she whispered. "Your mother- what happened to your mother?" 

He pulled away from her. "Nothing- nothing, shut up, shut up," he gasped desperately, starting to walk away. 

"What happened to her, Kyou-san?"  


The gentleness and sincerity of her voice stopped him, and with his face turned to the ground, he choked on his words. "She died. A long time ago. Ok?" 

Hana caught up to him, and, both of them shaken, they continued on the way to her home. 

At length, she began to speak again, and he was glad, if only to hear something besides his own painful thoughts. She told him how everyone she had ever met had feared and hated her, how the children she'd grown up with had called her a witch because of her abilities. 

"Until Tohru-chan. When I met her, everything changed. She was the first person who wasn't scared of me. She's the only one." 

At first, Kyou only half-listened. But as she continued, he couldn't help looking at her differently. She's just like me, he thought. She knows what it's like. If anyone could understand my curse, she could. 

They had arrived at her door. Hanajima smiled her gentle smile. "Thank you, Kyou-san, for hearing my story." 

"That's alright."  


"And for escorting me home. Good night."  


"Yeah. 'Night."  


But he couldn't just go home. He felt like a wild animal, needing desperately to stretch its legs. He had only gone a few steps in the direction of home before he whirled around and called her name. 

She was not inside yet. "Yes?"  


Unsure of what he was really doing, or of how Hanajima was going to react, he took her face in his hands. "I am not afraid of you," he said awkwardly, and then leaned down and touched his lips to hers. 

He hadn't expected to actually kiss her. Although it had certainly been his intention, he'd been so sure he wouldn't be able to do it that when he found it was happening, he was almost too shocked at his own daring to really enjoy it. He'd never intentionally kissed a girl before, except once when he'd been fourteen and Kagura had stolen a bottle of sake from their shishou and dragged him off to the woods to share it with her. The brief, fumblingly drunken kiss of that afternoon was far removed from the warmth of Hanajima's face under his hands, and the softly yielding mouth under his.  
He pulled away and couldn't look at her. "Um, goodnight," he said again, and, embarrassed, started to run home. 

"Kyou-san!" he heard her call after him. "I am not afraid of you, either." 

His face broke into a smile and he kept running.  



	3. Hana

****

Chapter 3.

Hana

The standard disclaimer I forgot about before: I don't own these characters. That's why they call it "fan" fiction, and not "officially liscenced fiction." Or so I assume. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


Hanajima leaned against the door of her house, watching Kyou run away. Although her carefully controlled exterior seemed as calm and unruffled as always, inside her there was a flurry of activity. Her heart was pounding and a thousand unrelated thoughts were running circles inside her mind. A boy. A boy had kissed her. No boy had ever kissed her before. Boys didn't like Hanajima, they never had. No one liked Hanajima except for Tohru and Uo-chan. 

And now Kyou? The idea was not unpleasant.  


Unable to prevent a secretive smile from her face, the quiet, pretty girl slipped silently inside her home. Inside, the house was, as usual, a mass of chaotic, noisy activity as her younger siblings tried to avoid going to bed and her mother tried fruitlessly to quiet them down. "Saki-chan, it's late," the woman said to her eldest daughter. 

"Gomen, Mama. I was with Tohru."  


"Did you eat?"  


"Hai."  


Hana's younger brother came tearing down the stairs at this point, with a sister in hot pursuit, some great event no doubt taking place. The mother was fighting for some kind of order, and Hanajima, who just wanted to get upstairs so she could do some serious thinking about the odd experience she'd just had, fired a warning flare of purple electricity towards the children. Immediately they both fell silent. Affecting her scary voice, she ordered them to go to bed, and they turned and ran back upstairs. 

"You shouldn't do that," her mother said wearily.  


"It works." She started up the stairs herself.  


"You scare them."  


Hanajima's face didn't show her internal wincing. What her mother really meant was "You scare me." Of course Hana would never hurt her siblings; she loved them. But her mother would never forgive her for the accidents that happened when she was a child. She wanted so badly to be able to tell her "Mama, I couldn't control it then! I can now. It's ok. You can love me again." But Hana never said anything. 

Once in the safety of her room, Hanajima slowly, ritualistically, untied the ribbon in her hair and brushed out the braid, running her fingers through the thick, black tresses and silently remembering the walk home. What exactly had happened? 

It was difficult to put into words the flashes and feelings she got from people on a daily basis. In truth, they felt much different from the deliberate use of her abilities to read minds. It was more like reading facial expressions and body language, except that she could tell much more about a person than ordinary people could. She had been certain, when she asked if he was afraid of her, that he felt people were afraid of him. And she had known without a doubt that he wanted her to find out what he feared. 

It was so upsetting and lonely, what she had seen inside him. Deliberately she had not pried too deeply, respecting his mysterious secret, and what she had seen was confusing. Only his crushing lonliness, along with jumbled, faded images of his mother. She knew that it wouldn't make sense unless she probed deeper into his mind, and that she was unwilling to do. 

But she did understand something, now. She had asked him if he was in love with Tohru, and he hadn't answered. She had believed he was in love with Tohru, because of his actions and the flashes she'd gotten from him. And he believed he was in love with her, too, but Hanajima could see clearly, even if he could not, that his love had less to do with Tohru herself than it did with his fear. 

"Why?" she whispered out loud. "Why are you so afraid of being alone?"  


And then there was the kiss - she had been trying not to think about that part of it, but there it was, all the same: the kiss. 

What did it mean, she wondered. She had absolutely no experience with boys or romance, and for the first time in a long time, she found that she could not predict what another person was going to do. Of course she had watched her classmates in their strange love rituals, and had found that once a boy and a girl had kissed, one or both of them generally seemed to completely lose all sense of reason. Stepping back and looking at herself, she decided that she was still in control of her faculties, and Kyou had never appeared to have a particularly well developed sense of reason in the first place, so what was she to expect? 

She really didn't know, and it was sort of exciting.  



	4. Apology

****

Chapter 4.

Apology

Ok, what's with the Wednesday update? Well, both chapters 3 and 4 are pretty short, and I only worked a half shift tonight, so I had some spare time anyway. I still don't own Furuba, in case you were wondering. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed for your nice comments, keep reading, I plan on this being fairly lengthy - you can count on having at the very least another four weeks of this. Chapter five on Saturday as usual. Enjoy! 

- - - - - - - - - - - -

  


Kyou climbed up to the roof of Shigure's house, feeling wild and elated. Settling into his favorite spot, he gazed up at the stars and replayed those last few moments with Hanajima in his mind. What a strange night. He never would have guessed when he'd agreed to walk her home that he would be kissing her goodnight at the door. 

She was beautiful. Suddenly he couldn't think of anyone else in the world who was more beautiful than quiet Hana, of any girl with lovelier eyes or softer skin. He couldn't help it; it was just in Kyou's passionate nature to take things to the extreme. 

A small mew pulled him back into reality for a moment, and he found himself facing a cat he'd never seen before in his life, mewing pathetically. Feeling in a mood of goodwill, he rubbed the cat's head. "What are you doing here?" 

She rubbed her face against his hand, purring loudly. "Go home," he told her, but she purred her way into his lap, and he sighed. "Ok, you can stay for a while, but I'm not feeding you," he warned her, stroking her fur. She settled into washing his forearm, and he shook his head. 

Below he saw movement on the path up to the front door, and saw it was Yuki and his brother Ayame, at last back from their brotherly bonding adventure. Even the sight of his hated cousin couldn't ruin Kyou's mood tonight, he decided, so he just sat quietly and watched their approach. Yuki looked like he had not had a very good time, his face was a dark cloud, and he ignored Aya's constant stream of chatter. When they were almost to the house, the front door slid open and Shigure burst forth. "AYA!" 

"GURE!"  


In an exageratted embrace, they showered each other with expressions of adoration. "Oh, it's been so long!" squealed Shigure. "Since this morning!" 

"My love!"  


"My darling!"  


"Shut up," said Yuki. "Don't you realize how embarassingly you behave?" This to his brother. 

"Embarassing?" Ayame cried. "Am I embarassing?" He turned to Shigure. 

"Yes!" shouted Kyou from the roof. The three below looked up, surprised. 

"Ah, Kyou-kun! When did you get back?" asked Shigure. "I thought you were just taking your time with pretty Hana-kun!" 

Kyou's face felt warmer than before.  


"Pretty Hana-kun?" inquired Ayame. "Who is pretty Hana-kun? A GIRL? Is Kyou in love with A GIRL? Ah!" He swooned against the side of the house. "But what about little Kagura? Kyou, will you break the little boar's heart?" 

Kyou clenched his fists.  


Shigure petted Ayame's long hair. "There there, Aya-chan, love is so hard. But we should be happy for Kyou-kun!" 

"YES!" Ayame shouted, dramatically embellishing his speech. "Come down here, Kyou, and I, the greatest lover of all time, **Sohma Ayame,** will instruct you in the arts of love and the ways of the heart, and then, this girl, this beautiful girl, this goddess of love, at last she will be yours!"   
"THERE'S NO GIRL!" Kyou screamed, so loud he scared the stray cat away. He immediately felt guilty for the lie. 

"No girl? Is pretty Hana-kun a BOY?" Ayame looked even more delighted. 

Kyou prepared to jump off the roof and kill Ayame.  


"Ah, ah, I think it's time for you to go, Aya-chan, darling," Shigure said hastily, gently shooing him off with his hands. "Do come back soon, yes, yes, bye bye!" 

Aya was far from the house before he even realized it. 

"Thank you for getting rid of him," Yuki said quietly. 

"I didn't do it for you, Yuki-kun," replied the older cousin. 

"All the same."  


Shigure smiled and went inside as Kyou climbed down from the roof. "Uh, Yuki." 

Yuki sighed, his back to Kyou. "I'm tired. I don't feel like fighting tonight." 

Kyou bit his lip until he tasted blood. What he was about to do was the hardest thing he knew. "About last week, I- well I'm sorry I attacked you without warning." He shuffled awkwardly, only half sure why he was doing this. Why should he apologize to the damn mouse? But then he **had** acted dishonestly, jumping him like that... 

Yuki turned, surprised. "What?"  


"I won't say it again, dammit!"  


"Why would you say it to begin with?"  


"Dammit Yuki! I take it back!"  


"Well, I-" Yuki was at a complete loss. "Thank you. I am also sorry. For-" 

"Don't. Finish. That. Sentance." He knew the rest of it would be something like "For beating you until you were unconscious," and that was not what he wanted to hear. 

"Well. Um. Goodnight, then," Yuki nodded, and started to go inside. 

"This doesn't mean I don't still hate you, Yuki. I'm still going to beat you." 

Yuki grinned. "I'll believe that when I see it, baka neko!" But there was little venom behind the words. Yuki was thrown off guard by Kyou's uncharacteristic behavior. He couldn't help feeling a prick of curiosity about it. What could Kyou in such a good mood that he would do something so... well, nice? 

"You'll see it, kuzo nezumi," the other affirmed, calmly, confidently, for the first time without the blinding anger to which he was so accustomed. He felt perfectly confident, so much so that he was sure that if he challenged Yuki right then, he would win. But Yuki was tired, worn out by his brother. He could wait. He was sure his victory was coming. 

"I've heard that before. When did you get so sure of yourself?" 

Kyou smiled despite himself. "I had a good night."  



	5. Kiss

****

Chapter 5.

Kiss

The final class of the day had ended, and Kyou heaved a sigh of relief. It had been difficult trying to do schoolwork with Hana only four feet away. So unsure of what the kiss on Saturday had meant, he'd been trying not to look at her for fear that she would ask him. He'd been trying to make sense of it, himself, to no avail. He didn't know exactly why he'd kissed her, but he was quite sure he'd like to do it again. It was partially with that aim in mind that he steeled himself and marched over to where she was gathering her things and chatting with Uotani and Tohru. 

"Hello, Kyou-kun!" Tohru said, smiling brightly. Well what was she so happy about? Had Hanajima told her what had happened? Was that why Uotani was smirking at him that way? But Uotani was always smirking like that. Kyou felt dizzy. Girls were too hard to figure out, he decided. I should stick to martial arts. But despite that new resolution, he still heard himself, stammering and red faced, attempting to give Hanajima the knowledge that if she wanted, he wouldn't be totally opposed to walking in the same direction as her sometime, like now for instance, since after all they would both be walking home now anyway.   
"Oooh!" cried Uotani. "I think Carrot-Head is in love!" 

"That's not- that's-" he stammered, struggling unsuccessfully to rein in his temper. "YOU SHUT UP!" he roared. "Forget it, just forget it!" He stormed off. 

"What was that all about?" Uo asked Hanajima. 

The other girl smiled. "I'm not sure."  


Tohru, who had watched Kyou's entire performance with surprise and delight, declared "That's Kyou-kun's way of being friendly." 

"Oh, so he is in love?" Uo laughed. "Lucky Hana-chan." 

"I only said he was being friendly, not that he is in love!" 

Hana wondered if now was the right time to tell them that Kyou had kissed her. Instead, though, she picked up her bag and started after Kyou. 

"Where are you going, Hanajima?" Uotani asked her. 

She turned back and smiled secretively.  


"Hana-chan, no! You're not going to let him walk you home?" 

"Why not? If I can find him."  


Luckily, Kyou had not gone far, in fact he was in the hallway outside the classroom, hitting the wall. She walked up to him and he ignored her. 

"Doesn't that hurt?" she inquired.  


"No." He punched the wall again.  


"Your knuckles are bleeding."  


"So?"  


"I'm sorry Uo-chan made you upset."  


"I'M NOT UPSET!"  


"Ok."  


The utter ridiculousness of his last statement, and her casual acceptance of it were just too much. Kyou started laughing and had to suffocate it. "Yeah, ok, maybe a little upset. But she shouldn't say things like that! I hate it when people get things wrong! Why should she say that I'm in love? That's a stupid thing to say!" He glanced at her face. It was expressionless. "I only- I mean- you said- do you remember? You said you wanted to know me. And I- well, I think maybeImightwanttoknowyou, too." His face was hot again. "But she shouldn't say things that aren't true!" His fist connected with the wall again, tearing what skin was left on his knuckles to shreds.   
Hana gave him a small smile that thrilled him. "I am going now. Are you coming?" 

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

  


Kyou walked rapidly. He was used to people matching pace with him, like Tohru who would have to almost run to keep up, but Hanajima lagged behind, strolling at a slow pace. Finally, he turned around and yelled "Why are you so far back?" 

"Why are you so far ahead? You wanted to walk me home, so why aren't you walking with me?" 

"This is my speed!"  


"This is mine," she said darkly, denpa crackling. "I will not go faster." 

Dammit, she was frustrating. He slowed down. "Is this better?!" 

"You were the one who was complaining, Kyou-san." 

She was right. And she was having fun with him again, he realized. "Shut up," he muttered. 

She did, for a little while, but he definately got the impression it was more because there was nothing to say at that point than because he'd told her to. 

"Is your hand all right?" she asked after a few minutes. 

"I told you before, it's fine."  


"Yes, but I didn't believe you."  


"Well you should! What kind of a girlfriend would you make if you don't even believe me about something so simple?" 

Wait. What had he just said?  


"I didn't realize this was an audition."  


"It's not!" Backpedalling as hard as he could, Kyou searched frantically for a reasonable explanation for having said that. "I don't know why I said that! I didn't say that! Forget about it right now! Just- just don't say a word, shut up!!" 

"You tell people to shut up a lot," Hanajima observed nonchalantly. 

"SHUT UP! We're not talking any more. Once we get to your house, that's it!" 

"It?"  


"That's it! That's the end of this!"  


"The end of what?"  


She was so infuriating! "I said no more talking! And walk faster!" He was frantic and panicky. 

She caught hold of his hand as he tried to walk away. "It's all right, Kyou-san." She was serious again, no longer playing. 

"Of course it is! What is?"  


"Everything. Calm down."  


Of course what Kyou didn't know was that Hanajima was anything but calm herself. It was years of practice in controlling her responses, a necessary skill for someone with powers like hers, that allowed her to appear so, but in reality, her emotions were swirling and her heart was pounding. 

"I am calm!"  


"Of course."  


"Of course!"  


She was still holding on to his left hand, and for a brief moment, they both stared at their joined hands and found in them metaphors for everything good in the world. 

This time, she kissed him, and she knew exactly why. 

Kyou was sinking into heaven. He wanted to hold her against his chest and wrap his arms around her, and it took a massive force of will to stop himself. Not much would ruin a perfect kiss like suddenly turning into a cat in the middle of it. He gripped her hand tightly, as though a hand's embrace made up for the lack of the other sort, and she did the same. They stood kissing on the sidewalk, hands so tightly entwined it was painful, for a blissful few seconds, and then Hanajima pulled away, lowered her eyes. 

And there was nothing to say. His head was spinning. He didn't know what was happening to him. He kept his hand in hers, and they resumed the walk silently. 

"It does hurt," he admitted at last. Hanajima looked up, surprised by his voice. "My hand," he explained. "You were right. It does hurt." He held up his other hand, the bruised and battered knuckles covered with dried blood. 

She smiled. "I will always know when you are lying, Kyou-san." 

"Well, I- I never lie about important things!" he said defensively. Meeting her eyes, he couldn't help admitting, "except for-" 

"Yes," Hanajima cut him off. "But that is all right." 

"How can you say it's all right? Why don't you care? You should care! How do you know it's not something terrible?" 

"Is it?" She sounded simply curious, not suspicious in the least. 

He couldn't answer that. He couldn't tell her "Yes, it's horrible!" She couldn't like him if she knew. But if he said no, she would know he was lying. So he just stayed quiet.   
Hana knew more than Kyou realized. "It isn't as terrible as you think." 

"What?!"  


"It's what you choose to do with it that determines if it is good or bad, not the thing itself." 

"You don't even know what it is! How can you say that without knowing?" 

"I know your opinion, anyway, and that is enough." Sensing his discomfort, she added. "We don't have to talk about this now. You will tell me when it is time for me to know." 

He stared at her, amazed. How could she be so accepting? She couldn't be real. Surely this wasn't happening. 

They were at her door. Sorry as he was to have to let go of her hand, he was glad for the opportunity to be alone and think. 

"Do you want to come in and take care of your hand?" she asked him, looking elsewhere. 

"No, it's ok. I'll do it at home." He paused, and, rushingly added "I'll walk you again tomorrow if you want." 

"Yes, I would like that."  


He wanted to kiss her again, but before he could, she brushed her lips against his cheek, and was gone before he could even think. 


	6. Tohru

****

Chapter 6.

Tohru

Not to sound like a review-whore, but I do feel more motivated about this when I hear about it. Also, check out Meli's excellent Hanajima-central fic, "Brittle, Broken." And order her to get the next chapter done. She never listens to me. Thanks to those of you who've reviewed or looked at the Denpa Love website. Love to hear from you. 

- - - - - -

  


Kyou stretched out on the roof, grinning like an idiot. He didn't bother to worry about any of the countless concerns he could have wasted time with. A beautiful, strange, and wild girl had kissed him, liked him, wanted to be with him, and for right now that was all he needed to know. 

"Kyou-kun?" It was Tohru's voice behind him. He composed his face, sat upright. 

"Oy?"  


She crawled along the shingles, and looked so adorable he wanted to laugh. "What would you like for dinner tonight?" 

"You come all the way up here to ask me that?" 

She smiled her big smile. "I can't decide! Usually I ask Shigure-san, but he won't be here this evening, so what do you think?" 

He sighed. "I don't care. You should be more independant." 

"Yes. I know you're right. I know that my mother would say the same thing!" And her face broke into the determined smile she got whenever she spoke of her mother. "Arigato. I will try harder!" 

He barely managed to hold back his smile. She was so, so cute. "So you go downstairs, then, and cook whatever you feel like cooking, ok?" 

"Hai!" she agreed, jumping to her feet.  


"But don't-"  


"I know, I know!" she teased. "No leek, right?" 

He raised his fists. "It'll be ugly if there is!" 

"But Kyou-kun? What if I feel like cooking leek?" 

A string of curses followed Tohru as she, giggling, returned downstairs. 

When Kyou had exhausted his supply of dirty words, he found himself full of energy. Tohru, Tohru, so sweet and cute and caring - wait. 

Tohru?  


He stood up and started pacing. What was he thinking? He was in love with Tohru, had been in love with Tohru almost as long as he'd known her. So how did it happen that he'd been kissing Hanajima, holding her hand, daydreaming about her? 

Hanajima, for heaven's sake. The psychic. The girl who talked gibberish about waves and deliberately tried to freak out everyone she met. He'd seen her chasing girls around at school threatening to electrify them! 

And he'd kissed her?  


TWICE?  


Had he really been sitting up here five minutes earlier daydreaming about her eyes and her soft lips, and longing to unbraid her thick black plait and run his fingers through it? 

It had all seemed so natural, he hadn't thought about it. He knew he must have been delirious, because "I'm in love with Tohru." He whispered the words, almost too quietly to hear them himself. But they had to be the truth. "I'm in love with Tohru. Hanajima is nothing. That never happened. I love Tohru." 

He wrapped his arms around his knees, softly repeating it to himself "I love Tohru, I love Tohru, I love Tohru." He wasn't sure how long he stayed there like that, and the repetition of her name made him feel drowsy and slow, which is probably why he didn't notice Yuki coming up to the roof. 

"You do?" The mouse's voice sounded surprised and geniunely curious. Kyou froze in terror. Yuki had heard him. Yuki knew. Yuki knew. 

"What are you talking about?!" he snarled.  


"You just said-"  


"I did not!"  


"I was right here, I heard you. You said that-" 

Kyou was on his feet and had slapped Yuki's face before the other boy had a chance to finish. "No. I didn't." 

"Baka neko! I was right here!"  


"You heard wrong, nezumi."  


Yuki's eyes flared. "I'm so sick of you! You think you can just do whatever you want, don't you?" He swung at Kyou, who, dodging out of the way, avoided his fist. 

"WHAT?! Look in the mirror, you damned mouse! You don't know what you're talking about!" 

"Baka neko! I'm done going easy on you!" Yuki advanced, kicked Kyou's chest hard, knocking his breath out of him. Kyou stumbled backwards, trying to breathe, almost rolled off the roof. 

"I'll kill you," he wheezed unconvincingly. 

"Keep dreaming." Yuki said dismissively, and as he started down the ladder, added. "I came to tell you, dinner's ready." 

Kyou lay still, struggling to catch his breath. Hot tears were burning in his eyes, and he fought them back. Why couldn't he beat Yuki? He'd trained so much longer and harder than the stupid mouse, and yet he couldn't even come close to winning. He thought longingly about his life back at the dojo, how it was only there he'd ever felt anything close to being happy, and compared it sadly to his life here at Shigure's. With the mouse. That damned, ugly, stupid mouse. 

He sat up, able to breathe regularly again, and slapped his own face to hold back his tears. Tohru would be sad if he didn't come down to dinner. He wouldn't let Yuki win that easily. 

Anyway, he was in love with her, whether that damn Yuki liked it or not. 

- - - - -

  


Next week... Shattered Expectations.  



	7. Shattered Expectations

Your Denpa  
by Miraii  
  
Terribly sorry to everyone for the lateness of this week's chapter. My computer has a virus and a number of other problems, and was hijacked early Saturday morning by a well meaning family member to be fixed. While the poor thing is still ill, I have salvaged my writing and shouldn't have any more problems... though I'm getting a little tired of one chapter a week since I think the narrative flow of this story isn't doesn't lend itself to an episodic format very well... it makes some chapters (like this one) seem like filler, when if you viewed it in the context of the whole, it wouldn't, because it's not, dammit! Well, let me know what you think: keep drawing it out over time, or just mass post the rest of it (um, it's not finished yet, though, so it would be a little while before I could do that)? The content will be unaffected by the decision. WHEE! Interactivity! Oh, yeah, here's chapter seven...  
  
7.  
Shattered Expectations  
  
The meal was, while admittedly delicious, very tense. Without Shigure there, Tohru found herself in the awkward position of being caught in between the boys' feud. Yuki stared Kyou down, while Kyou ignored his cousin and focused all his attention on his food. Tohru tried to make the best of it, but most of the meal passed in silence.  
  
"Is it good?" she asked Kyou.  
  
"Mm," he grunted a reply.  
  
"Yuki-kun?"  
  
"Ah? Wonderful."  
  
"It's not a little overcooked, is it?"  
  
"No, Honda-san, perfect."  
  
"Stop worrying about it, it's good," Kyou muttered, without looking up from his plate.  
  
"Don't talk to her so rudely, baka neko!"  
  
"You shut up," he growled. "I don't want to hear a damn word out of your mouth."  
  
"Oh, what will you do? Let me beat you again?"  
  
Kyou's eyes fell on the bowl of rice in the center of the little table, and quickly grabbed it and prepared to throw it at his cousin.  
  
"Kyou-kun!" gasped Tohru. "What are you doing?"  
  
He held still, quietly set the bowl back down, muttered "Nothing, Tohru-kun," strongly emphasizing her name and the familiar honorific to spite his uptight cousin, who couldn't manage to call her anything but "Honda-san," after all this time. Idiot. The boys glared at each other across the table silently.  
  
Tohru watched them quite helplessly, and made another attempt at conversation. "Well, Kyou-kun, you and Hana-chan walked home from school together, didn't you?"  
  
"Yeah." He hoped his gruff reply would stop her questioning, but he knew it was futile.  
  
"Well that's wonderful," she squealed. "Are you going to be friends with each other now?"  
  
He didn't answer, started to eat faster.  
  
"Yes, neko, tell us about Hanajima-san. Tell us all about her," Yuki said with a slight taunt in his voice.  
  
Kyou had had about enough of this. "What do you care?" he snarled at Yuki, standing up.  
  
"Kyou-kun-!"  
  
"Won't you just be quiet for once?! Stop interrogating me!" He felt all his emotions flaring up again, and was unable to sort them out properly. "Why don't you just mind your own damn business!" He stormed out of the room, upstairs to his bedroom.  
  
Tohru sighed and started to clear his plate away. "Honda-san," Yuki put his arm out to stop her. "Let him do it himself."  
  
"He might not come back down tonight! Don't be silly, Yuki-kun, I'll do it!"  
  
"Then at least wait until you've finished your own. Don't let him ruin dinner for you."  
  
"Oh, it wouldn't-"  
  
"Honda-san. Please?"  
  
She settled back onto her cushion.  
  
- - - - -  
  
Upstairs, Kyou was fuming again. Couldn't that girl have found a better subject than Hanajima? His hands felt shaky and strange. What was wrong with him? "I love Tohru," he reminded himself. "I always have."  
  
And she loved him, too, didn't she? She was so nice to him, what else could it be?  
  
"Oh, she's nice to everybody. You are a baka neko sometimes."  
  
He slid to a sitting position with his back against a wall, tried to calm his racing heartbeat down. Tohru. That was where his heart belonged, even though she didn't feel the same.  
  
But why had he kissed Hanajima? Saturday when he'd walked her back, she had seemed at once so strong and so fragile, not scary or strange at all. He recalled her high, soft voice, telling him how afraid her family had been of her when she was young, how they were still afraid now, how the other children at school had hated her. He recalled the gentle touch of her mind moving fluidly into his, how like a caress it had felt, and how afterward she had known... tears flooded his eyes. She had seen his mother there, had asked about her. His mother. He bit his lip, hard, not wanting to think about her.  
  
He flexed his right hand and felt the sting from hitting the walls that afternoon. His knuckles burned and the pain felt good. It was clear, ordinary. There was nothing unexpected or confusing in the sting of his bruised knuckles, and he found that comforting. He cracked the knuckles of his other hand, and remembered her hand wrapped around it. He took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind.  
  
"I love Tohru," he told his mental image of Hanajima. "You know I love her. You asked me yourself, remember? I love her. I got into that huge fight with the mouse about it. Remember? It's Tohru, it's Tohru. Not you. It was never you. It's her."  
  
He began to feel satisfied with this. Yes, it was Tohru he loved, her naive charm and innocence, her unfathomable desire to see the good in every situation, that was the girl to whom he wished to belong. That was the girl he wanted to kiss, Tohru and only Tohru, as it had always been, and that was the end of it. He calmed down, feeling the shakiness eased out of his limbs.  
  
- - - - -  
  
Kyou was quite sure he'd failed the history test. Well, who could really concentrate on fuedal Japan with so much going on? There was nothing useful in these courses, anyway, nothing that applied to the modern teenage boy living under an ancient curse. He drove the point of his pencil into his desktop as the test papers were collected, and snuck a glance over at Hanajima, just, he told himself, to see how she was doing.  
  
She was leaning her chin in one hand and talking her particular brand of nonsense to one of the boys in class, giving him a clear case of the willies. A few days earlier, Kyou would have been just as freaked out as the other boy, but now he had to stifle a laugh behind his hand. The stifle was not entirely successful, however, and Hanajima's head swiveled to look at him, so that he found himself the recipient of her scariest stare. He looked away, feeling his face going red again.  
  
Arisa, who sat close to him, leaned her arms on his desk and said conversationally, "You're blushing, Kyon-chan."  
  
He glared. He hated it when Uotani called him Kyon-chan. She was so sardonic about it, it usually made him want to break her nose.  
  
"Ha-ha, now you've gone even redder!"  
  
"I HAVE NOT!" His outburst caught the attention of everyone in the class, including the sensei, who had just finished with the test papers and was preparing to dismiss them for the day. Any part of Kyou that was not already bright red flushed scarlet, and he sank into his seat. The sensei, shaking his head, informed them of their assignments for the next day and dismissed them, and the students began to clear their things and clean up the classroom.  
  
Uotani stood up and ruffled Kyou's hair annoyingly. "Have fun, Carrots, make sure I get her back in one piece."  
  
"Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?!"  
  
"Wash your desk, you're a disgrace to this school!" She sauntered off.  
  
Gah! Every time the yankee talked to him, Kyou ended up wanting to hit things. Half-assing his cleanup duties, he stomped over to Tohru, grabbed her arm, and snarled "Come on."  
  
"Kyou-kun?"  
  
"I'm in a hurry. Are you coming or not?"  
  
Hanajima looked from Tohru to Kyou. "Kyou-san?"  
  
He ignored the other girl forcefully. "Come ON, Tohru-kun." He dragged Tohru out of school and towards home. Hanajima and Uotani stood where they were.  
  
"I thought he was going to go with you again," Uotani said.  
  
"So did I, Arisa."  
  
"He said so yesterday, didn't he?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
"Well what the fuck's his problem?"  
  
"It's not a big deal."  
  
So she said, but Hanajima was stung by Kyou's behavior, and Uotani knew her well enough to see it. But if she wasn't going to say so, Uo wouldn't push her. Instead, slinging her arm around her friend's waist, she agreed cheerfully, "Yeah, who needs him? I'm starving, Hana-chan, let's get something to eat."  
  
- - - - -  
  
The whole way back, Kyou felt haunted by Hanajima's luminous eyes. Even as he tried to remind himself that the girl he really loved was the one walking beside him, he couldn't stop thinking about the day before. They were almost home before it occured to him that Tohru had been talking for the entire walk and he hadn't heard a single thing she'd said.  
  
"Kyou-kun, are you all right? You look pale," she asked, a note of concern in her voice.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"I hope you aren't getting sick," she went on, setting her hand against his forehead. He unconsciously flinched away from her touch. "Well, you don't seem to have a fever."  
  
"Probably just the weather," he mumbled, looking up at the gray sky. "It may rain soon."  
  
"Yes, Kyou-kun never feels well in rainy weather, do you? I will make you some good soup at home to make you feel stronger!"  
  
But it wasn't the weather that had made Kyou pale. It was the sudden, terrible, dizzying realization that he was not in love with Tohru, after all.  
  
- - - - - -  
  
Next week... things get really angsty! 


	8. Truth and Complications

8.  
Truth and Complications  
  
He went to bed immediately upon arriving at home. Tohru wanted to cook him soup to help him through the rainy night that was coming, but he had declined, saying he just wanted to rest, and had gone up the stairs in a daze.  
  
It had come upon him so quickly. He had looked at her sweet, beautiful face, and the world had dropped away. He hadn't been listening. He had only half been aware that she was there. And something had clicked in his head, and he'd just.... known.  
  
"Not in love with Tohru."  
  
Not in love with Tohru.  
  
His breath felt ragged.  
  
"I might be. I could still be."  
  
Not in love with Tohru.  
  
"But she's seen it. She... who else could...?"  
  
Hanajima's voice echoed in his memory: "She was the first person who wasn't scared of me. She's the only one."  
  
The only one.  
  
Who else could see him and still care for him? Lying in the fetal position in his bed, his fingers strayed to his wrist and rubbed the skin under his bracelet. Outside, he heard the first drops of the rainfall starting, and unbidden, the memory of that night came back to him.  
  
And on top of it, other nights, other days. The bracelet itched.  
  
"All my life, people have been afraid of what I can do."  
  
He closed his eyes. The rain was starting in earnest now, and he fought back the weakness he felt coming on him. He couldn't hold out for long, though.  
  
He kept scratching at his wrist, not thinking about it.  
  
Not in love with Tohru.  
But she had seen him. She had seen him without the bracelet, and she had stayed. Had clung to him. She had said all the right things; she always said all the right things. Tohru was pretty and perfect and could always make him feel better when he was miserable.  
  
And Hanajima? She was a psychic whose favorite pasttime seemed to be scaring the shit out of people at school. Even earlier that day, staring straight at that boy in class, her eyes practically boring holes into him while she talked incessantly about waves. Why did she do that? She knew it freaked people out.  
  
But, he had to admit, it was pretty funny once you got used to it. Hadn't he laughed that afternoon when he noticed her?  
  
And what was he doing, noticing her in the first place?  
  
He felt his stomach drop. He had the most awful feeling that he might really like that psychic.  
  
That psychic with the beautiful eyes, the rare but astonishing smile.  
  
Oh god. He did like her. He liked her a lot.  
  
He sat up, and immediately regretted it, his head swimming. "Fucking rain," he moaned, glaring out his window at the shower. He felt cold and weak, and started to wish he'd accepted Tohru's offer of soup. Now he wasn't sure he wanted to try to make it downstairs. He was sure, though, that he wanted to stop thinking along these very unsettling lines, so he put out his hand to stagger to his feet, and blinked in surprise at the sight of blood.  
  
He'd been so absorbed in his thoughts that he'd scratched most of the skin right off his wrist without noticing, and bright red blood was staining the beads of his bracelet. He just stared at it for a long moment without really absorbing it, and he felt a chill creep over him, although he couldn't place where it came from.  
  
He made his way downstairs slowly, feeling his way, his eyes half closed. "Tohru-kun?" he called tentatively.  
  
"Hai?" She appeared at the bottom of the staircase. "Kyou-kun should be resting!" she admonished. "AIII! Kyou-kun is bleeding!!"  
  
"Hai... It's nothing, Tohru-kun, I am... umm. Hungry." He was embarassed at asking, barely an hour after he'd refused to eat.  
  
"I thought you would be, so I went ahead and prepared your soup anyway!" she said brightly. She knew him too well, he thought, a little smile crossing his face. "Do you think you can make it to the table on your own?"  
  
"Of course." He waited until she was gone into the kitchen before finishing the staircase, unwilling to show any more weakness to her than he already had.  
  
- - - - -  
  
With Tohru's soup warming him, he felt considerably stronger than he had before, despite the rain, and even allowed himself to contemplate his new problem for a little while.  
  
It wasn't that he didn't like girls; he did. He'd just never considered the possibility of having a girlfriend before. There were far too many obstacles, and he'd never met any girls who seemed worth the bother. Until he'd moved into Shigure's house, he'd gone to school with only boys, and when he'd lived at the dojo, he'd spent all his time either training, or with his shishou, and hadn't socialized. Besides which, Kagura had trained there, too, and if he'd even looked at a girl, she would have beaten him senseless.  
  
Pushing the empty bowl away, he sighed deeply. Kagura. She was going to lose it if she found out he'd kissed another girl. Now that he thought about it, he was surprised she hadn't come by already, considering that idiot Ayame would probably have informed the entire family of the existence of "pretty Hana-kun," with plenty of colorful embellishment. Maybe she had just assumed it was Ayame being Ayame, and hadn't taken it seriously.  
  
He rested his elbows on the table, and his forehead on his palms. He didn't even want to think about the far more serious problems that trying to pursue something with Hana would raise. "Baka," he muttered to himself. "Baka, baka!"  
  
Anyway, it didn't matter. That afternoon when he'd blown her off and dragged Tohru home instead, she hadn't seemed upset. She didn't like him, of course; she wasn't stupid. So why was he even entertaining these thoughts? Imagining having some kind of relationship! With the psychic! Hanajima Saki!  
  
He was feeling tired again. He felt like he was going in circles, and no matter what, he always came back to the fact that she was crazy, and he was unlovable.  
  
"Kyou-kun?" Tohru's voice again.  
  
"Uhmn?" he grunted.  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
"Better."  
  
"You still look quite tired, you should go back to bed after I finish with your cut."  
  
"Huh?" He looked up and she was sitting quite close to him.  
  
"You're bleeding, remember? I'll fix it up for you!"  
  
"No, no, it's fine. Just a little bit of a scratch." He stood up, bracing himself for the wave of dizziness. Damn rain always did this to him. "I'm going back to bed. Thank you for the food."  
  
"Kyou-kun?"  
  
He made his way back upstairs without answering her. He just wasn't ready to sit so close to her, to let her tend to his wounds or do any of the other things that she was always doing. Not now. Not yet. He couldn't make sense of his feelings for her. If he wasn't in love with her, then what was that warmth that he felt when he was with her?  
  
He collapsed into his bed and pulled the blankets up almost over his head, and the beating of the rain lulled him into sleep.  
  
- - - - -  
  
Next week... Uo-chan! Yay! 


	9. Yankee

9.  
Yankee  
  
"So what's your problem, idiot?"  
  
Kyou didn't look up from his book. He wasn't reading it, exactly, it was still raining and he was TIRED. He was making the effort, though, in the library during their free period, so that he'd do better on his next exam. The yankee's voice was an unwelcome distraction.  
  
"Hey." A slender hand reached over and slammed his book closed. "I asked you a question."  
  
"Hunh." He was too tired to argue with her today. "What do you want?"  
  
"What was yesterday all about?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Hana-chan. You. Specifically, you being a complete asshole to her."  
  
"That's none of your business," he muttered, opening his book again.  
  
Uotani took hold of his hair and forced him to look at her. "When Hana-chan is hurt, it is my business."  
  
He winced, Uo's iron hand felt like it was pulling the hair right out. And what was she talking about? He'd seen Hana's face the day before; she hadn't cared that he'd ditched her. Had she? Suddenly, faced with the yankee's anger, he remembered how impassive the psychic's face always was. "Shit..." he whispered as it occured to him that it probably had hurt her, and he hadn't even given it a thought.  
  
Arisa misunderstood his reaction, thinking he was upset at being caught, and yanked his head back hard. "Well?"  
  
A sudden hope burst inside Kyou's chest. If Hana had been dissapointed, that meant that she had wanted to spend the afternoon with him.  
  
"You going to answer, or what?" Uo growled.  
  
"It's- it's complicated," he stammered out.  
  
"Yeah, it always is, isn't it?" She smacked him, and the irritation he'd been feeling exploded into a legitimate anger for a moment, but he was too weak from the rain to do anything about it, so he let it go for the time being. Uotani leaned into his face, and with serious rage in her eyes, told him, "This was a warning. Hurt my friends again, and I promise you that I will beat you until you are dead. Understand?"  
  
"Yeah, I got it." He was tired and sore, and his head ached from having her pull on his hair, and he really just wanted to go to sleep, not deal with a crazy girl.  
  
"Good."  
  
"Uo-chan, there you are! I've been looking for you!" Tohru's voice from the library door caused Arisa to drop her death grip on the boy's hair, and he rubbed the back of his head with a scowl as Tohru trotted up to them.  
  
"What's going on?" she asked innocently.  
  
"Nothing Tohru-kun, Kyon-Kyon and I were just having a conversation," Arisa said easily, with a warning look at Kyou.  
  
Tohru smiled brightly, that same dumb smile that inspired all these conflicting feelings in him every time he saw it. Looking down at the cover of his closed textbook, Kyou tried to push his confusion away. He didn't understand his feelings, and he was too tired (and afraid) to examine them. He'd been so sure of his feelings for Tohru, and yet, the revelation of the day before hung over his head like a cloud.  
  
Suddenly frustrated with himself, he snatched his book and left the library abruptly. Sitting there with those two talking next to him, he couldn't breathe. He leaned his head against the wall; it felt cool and soothing on his skin. Damn, he was tired. He wondered if he had enough time to take a nap before the free period ended. Probably not; it was more than half over. He sighed. How had everything gotten so complicated? Didn't he have enough problems without throwing a girl into the mix? Much less two girls? And why was he thinking about this now? He wished he could block all these upsetting thoughts and get back to something that made sense, like fighting Yuki. Yes, that was a good idea. As soon as the rain let up, he decided, they could have a fight. And he'd win, dammit! Yes, he would. The smooth confidence he'd felt the night after he'd first kissed Hanajima flowed into him again, and-  
  
-and there she was again, in his thoughts. So he went with it. Why not? Thinking about other things wasn't working. And he was sick of worrying about it. He'd been worrying all night about what would happen if the inner cicle of the Sohmas found out what was happening. Akito hated him enough as it was; he wasn't too keen to get further on his bad side. Although what Akito had against the cursed ones having relationships was completely beyond him. Of course, he was doomed anyway, he knew his fate and he didn't think Akito could do any worse to him.  
  
Dammit. He had meant to stop worrying, and indulge a little bit in optimism. Unfortunately, optimism was not the strong point of any of the Sohmas.  
  
The bell was ringing, calling him back to the classroom. He was still there, just a little ways outside the library doors, leaning against that wall. He dreaded returning to class. He dreaded that room, with so many people so close by. With those girls so close by. Tohru, oblivious and kind. Arisa, watchful and pissed. And Hana. Throwing his mind into turmoil. And he was supposed to fucking concentrate?  
  
He steeled himself. He listened to the rain outside. He hoped it would let up in the next hour or so, but he knew it wouldn't. Miserably, he slumped into his desk, ignoring the chatter of his classmates. But he could feel her eyes on him. Please, he thought, please let her stop looking at me. He didn't think he could make it through the lesson if she was looking at him like that. He was afraid to turn his head in her direction.  
  
But he did. And when their eyes locked, he felt something. Something... not unpleasant, but scary. Terrifying. Terrifying and somehow comforting. He didn't understand how that was possible. He didn't understand anything. He felt terrible for yesterday. He wished he could tell her that now. But it seemed like she knew. A little smile formed on her lips, and he felt a wash of relief go through him. Somehow, some way, she understood. She forgave. "Arigato." His lips formed the words, but no sound passed through them. Hana dropped her gaze, and the spell was broken. He could feel the rain in his bones again, but he felt somehow more relaxed.  
  
- - - - -  
  
"Uo-chan, what happened to you during free period? You missed a fascinating spectacle with the Princess Club," Hana informed her friend.  
  
"Oh, I had something to do," Uotani was unusally evasive.  
  
Hanajima's eyes narrowed. "Arisa?"  
  
"Well, Hana-chan," there was almost a whine in her voice. "What was I supposed to do, let him keep jerking you around like that?"  
  
Hana gave the other girl a reproachful look.  
  
"All right, I'm sorry for not keeping out of it," Uotani sighed. "I know you can take care of yourself, Hanajima, but you know just as well that I don't want you to have to. And if I could take it back, I wouldn't, because boys like that need to be shown a thing or two."  
  
"Uo-chan, you're a danger to yourself and others," Hanajima told her fondly.  
  
Uo flashed the victory sign. "That's my goal!" she exclaimed, walking off to her own desk with her inimitable flair. Hana watched her friend go and thoughtfully tugged on her braid. Arisa could be fiercly protective of her friends, but it was no more than Hanajima's own protective streak. Arisa and Tohru were her first friends, her only friends, and she would be more than willing to lay down her life for them. But it was strange, Uotani threatening Kyou like that. She wondered what he had thought of it. She considered that it might keep him from spending any more time with her, and it took her a moment to figure out the way that made her feel, until she realized: it was disappointment. To not feel that erratic, unusual denpa twined around her own - she realized she was blushing. She had never blushed. Ever. Had she? Just what was going on, here?  
  
That was when he turned and met her eyes, and she felt... something. She drew her breath in sharply. "These are the moments they write poems about." Her lips curved slightly. She saw his relief, felt it hit her in a wave, and her own heart seemed to speed up as a result. He had been scared. That was ok; she was scared too.  
  
Then, mixed in with his relief, there was gratitude. She saw his mouth form the simple word, felt his hope and his thanks crashing into her, and it was all too much. She broke the eye contact, and immediately the connection lessened, until she wasn't feeling him anymore.  
  
Breathe, she reminded herself.  
  
- - - - -  
  
Next week: "Visions." 


	10. Visions

10.  
Visions  
  
"It's not- I mean, I just needed to tell you. I'm confused. I don't know what to do," Kyou's stumbled over the words, clutching the telephone to his ear.  
  
"I see..." The voice coming from the phone was thoughtful. "It's a difficult situation, Kyou."  
  
"I know..."  
  
"If Akito knew-"  
  
"I know! I've thought of that! Why do you think I called you, Shishou?"  
  
Kazuma sighed. "Don't be upset at me. You know I want to help you."  
  
"I know. I'm sorry. I just- this has never happened to me before."  
  
A laugh. "What?"  
  
"You know. A... a girl." Kyou dropped his voice to a whisper, looking around suspiciously, although he knew he was home alone. His shishou chuckled at him.  
  
"I suppose it had to happen sooner or later. That's a risk we knew we were taking, letting you kids have as much freedom as you do, but-" He kept talking right over Kyou's snort of disbelief. "-but I had still hoped... Well. It happens to everyone sooner or later."  
  
"Shishou, this isn't very helpful."  
  
"Sumimasen. Let me clear my head for a minute. Tell me about her. What did you say her name is?"  
  
"Hanajima Saki..."  
  
"Saki. A favorite name of mine. Appropriate, too, eh?"  
  
"Shishou..."  
  
"Kyou." Kazuma's voice grew more serious. "You know I want you to be happy. But this can't go on. It's dangerous, for you and for her."  
  
Kyou's knuckles were white. He bit his lip hard.  
  
"I know it seems so wonderful now, son, but you must know you can't keep it a secret."  
  
"We could too. If we had to."  
  
"No," Kazuma said gently. "You couldn't. It's better this way. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it is."  
  
"What do you know about it?!" Kyou shouted. He wasn't going to listen to this. He couldn't listen to this. This was all wrong, it had to be, because those eyes, those luminous eyes-  
  
He slammed the phone down, breathing hard and staring at it as though it were a snake that had bitten him. No. His mentor was a smart man, one of the only people Kyou could bring himself to respect, but about this he was wrong. Kyou knew he couldn't just forget about Hana like that. Not after what had happened that afternoon when they'd made eye contact. Thinking about it sent shivers through his body.  
  
- - - - -   
  
Kazuma heaved a sigh, looking sadly at the phone and setting it into its cradle. He felt terrible for telling the boy to stop seeing this Saki, but what else could he do? It would be worse for everyone when it came out. He took a deep breath, tried to clear his mind of distractions. Still, Kyou's problem lingered before him. Kyou. The boy he'd very nearly raised, who had so rarely known kindness. Did Kazuma really have the heart to take away from him something that might help him to heal?  
  
His gaze drifted once again to the telephone. He didn't feel right about it, but he picked it up and dialed.  
  
"Moshi-moshi?"  
  
"Hatori-sensei. Kazuma desu."  
  
- - - - -  
  
"Hana-chan is so distracted lately! Is anything bothering you?"  
  
"Eh? No, Tohru-kun. Nothing is bothering me."  
  
"It's not that Carrot Head again, is it?" Uotani glowered.  
  
"Eh?" Tohru looked to each of her friends. "What does this have to do with Kyou-kun?"  
  
The three girls were in a booth at a small ice cream parlor in the shopping center, Uo having decided after school that Tohru worked too hard, and Hana was having to put up with too much from that stupid Sohma boy, and all three of them would benefit from a fun afternoon, even if it was pouring down rain. Luckily, though, the bad weather had broken not long after school, the sun had come out, and the air felt fresh and clean.  
  
Hanajima looked unhappily at Uotani. "It's nothing."  
  
"Is it because of yesterday?" Tohru looked distressed. "You see, I'm sure it's a misunderstanding, Kyou-kun always feels sick when it rains, and he gets in a very bad mood when he doesn't feel well, he could probably tell it was going to start raining, that's all!"  
  
Uotani snorted. "Right. What do you mean he feels sick when it rains? That's awfully specific."  
  
"Ah- ah, I just mean- well, he-" Tohru didn't know what to say. She couldn't tell her friends that it was because he was cursed by a vengeful cat.  
  
Hanajima's mind wandered. She didn't want it to wander to Kyou, but it did. Strange boy. How odd that he should feel sick when it rained. She was quite certain it was wrapped up in the mystery she didn't dare approach, and his dark secret that made him so afraid. An image she didn't understand flashed inside her mind. A monstrous creature turning mournful eyes toward a raining sky. As soon as it was there, it was gone, but her friends immediately noticed the change in her, the surprise and shock.  
  
"What's wrong, Hanajima?" demanded Uotani.  
  
"Hana-chan, what happened? Your face got so white!"  
  
"Something..." she murmered. "A strange creature in the rain."  
  
"It's not raining, Hana-chan," Arisa tried to make sense of her friend's words.  
  
"No, not here," she shook her head, blinked her eyes. "Not now."  
  
"Did you have a vision?" Tohru gasped, taking her hand.  
  
"I don't know. I saw it."  
  
"What was it?"  
  
"I don't know." She paused, swallowed, felt things tip into the right balance. "An animal. Not like any animal on earth. Alone in the rain. In so much pain..."  
  
"An animal in pain?" Tohru tightened her grip on her friend's hand. "Where?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"We have to help it!"  
  
"Tohru, Hana-chan isn't like some manga superhero who can see people who need help and then do something about it," Uo reminded the exciteable girl. "Um, are you?"  
  
"I don't think so." The fear subsiding, she even cracked a smile. "We wouldn't know where to look, anyway. And it isn't raining any more."  
  
"Yes, you're right." Tohru's face fell. "I hope that animal is all right now."  
  
"What was it?" Arisa asked. "What did it look like?"  
  
Hanajima shook her head, slowly. "I can't remember any more." The vision was fading, only the memory of those pain-filled purple eyes turned to the clouds remained. Indeed, it hung about her like a cloud. The pain. Why had she seen that? What could she do?  
  
Kyou.  
  
She took her head in her hands. What did he have to do with it? His name felt like it was reverberating against her skull. Why had she seen that beast when she'd been thinking of him?  
  
"Hana-chan?" the other two said together.  
  
"No, I'm fine. Only there's something I haven't told you..."  
  
- - - - -  
  
Next week... It never ends. More bad news for the kids. 


	11. Consequences

11.  
Consequences  
  
"NANI?" Arisa's shock wasn't unexpected. Hanajima calmly ate her ice cream. "That boy did WHAT?"  
  
"Hana-chan, did he really?" Tohru looked equally shocked.  
  
"Do you think I would make it up?" she said playfully.  
  
"No! No, I didn't mean that!" Tohru bowed quickly. "Sumimasen, Hana-chan, I am just surprised!"  
  
Hana smiled. "I was only teasing you, Tohru-kun."  
  
"Oh." Tohru flushed. "I should have known!"  
  
Uotani slammed her hand on the table, startling the other two. "I don't believe this, Hanajima."  
  
"Is it so surprising, Arisa?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
And her little smile played around the corners of her mouth. "I know. I was surprised too."  
  
"Hana-chan surprised? I never thought I'd see the day," Uo laughed despite herself, and before long Tohru had joined in. When it had passed, Uo gave Hana an expectant look. "Well?"  
  
"What?"  
  
She rolled her eyes. "What happened? How did it happen? What was it like? All the standard girly questions. You're the one who reads those awful romance books, not me."  
  
"Not regularly," Hanajima pointed out with a slight pout.  
  
"Look, if you're not going to stick to the point-"  
  
"Uo-chan, don't." Tohru rested a restraining hand on the tall one's arm. "A kiss is a very personal thing, and Hana-chan may not want to tell us the details. We mustn't force her."  
  
"Tohru-kun, Uo-chan, you are my best friends. Of course I want to tell you. But it might not be fair to Kyou-san to tell you. You, for example," she nodded her head towards Arisa. "Would tease him until his head exploded, and then we could all be quite sure it wouldn't happen again."  
  
"And you want it to?" Tohru gasped, clapping her hands.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, what's the deal, here? Is he your boyfriend now or what?"  
  
"No. That is... well, what qualifies?"  
  
"As a boyfriend?" Uotani thought about it for a minute. "Not sure. Never really had one."  
  
"Tohru-kun?"  
  
Tohru's face went scarlet. "I don't know, either!"  
  
"Hmmm." The girls went quiet as they pondered.  
  
- - - - -  
  
That evening, Shigure actually danced into the living room before dinner. "Kyou-kuuuuuun! Little neko-chan!" The look he receieved as response drove him against the wall. "Oh, Kyou-kun, you are cold!" He blew on his hands as though he were trying to keep warm. "I feel like I live in an igloo!"  
  
"What is wrong with you?" the boy growled, his mood still bad from his argument with Kazuma.  
  
"Nothing! The question is: what is wrong with YOU?" his cousin crowed.  
  
"What? Either talk sense or shut up."  
  
"I've just spoken to Haa-san, and somebody in is trouble!" Shigure said in a little singsong. Kyou looked up sharply.  
  
"What?"  
  
"He wants to see you! As soon as possible! Of course I told him, it is such a hardship to send the boy now, it being nearly time for dinner, and he being so hungry and all." A wicked little glint in the dog's eye told a different story. "But he insisted you come right away! You must go, Kyou-kun! The fate of the world rests-" He would have gone on, but Kyou, so fed up with him, had slammed the front door on his way out. Shigure chuckled. How he loved getting that reaction.  
  
Outside, the air had taken on a slight chill, but Kyou barely noticed. He was nervous. He didn't want to go to Hatori's, but now that he'd left the house, there really wasn't anything else he could do, besides just walk around aimlessly. His stomach complained piteously. He glared at it. "Don't blame me," he muttered. "Blame the stupid dog."  
  
He knocked on Hatori's door not too long later, and the stern looking man opened it with some surprise.  
  
"Kyou. I told Shigure to send you tomorrow."  
  
"Tomorrow?! Lousy, good for nothing, lying dog!" Kyou's eyes flared. He was cold, he was hungry, and that idiot Shigure had sent him out right at dinnertime for no reason!  
  
"As long as you're here, though, come on in." Hatori stepped aside, motioning the angry boy inside. Kyou kicked his shoes off, still muttering about how he hated dogs.  
  
"So?" he demanded, facing Hatori as though he were an opponent against whom he was about to fight a match. "What do you want with me?"  
  
Hatori lit a cigarette thoughtfully. "I spoke to Kazuma-san earlier."  
  
Oh shit. Oh shit. That could only mean one thing. Kyou fought to hold the panic down a little bit. No, no, it could be anything. Shishou wouldn't have told. Would he?  
  
Hatori studied his cousin, noted the panic he was unsuccessfully trying to reign in. Then there must be some weight to Kazuma's fears. "Kyou. Do you know what he told me?"  
  
"No," he lied. "No idea."  
  
Hatori took a long drag. Why did it always have to be him that had to be the voice of authority for these kids? It was killing him to do this. He didn't want to be the one who took away Kyou's chance for happiness like that. But he knew he didn't have a choice. In the long run, it would be better for the boy to end it now.  
  
"This girl - Hanajima-san, is it? You like her a lot, don't you?"  
  
Kyou clenched his jaw. "Are you going to tell-"  
  
"No," Hatori cut him off firmly. "I don't want anyone to get hurt. That's the only reason I'm interfering."  
  
"I can take care of myself. I don't need you, or Shishou, or Shigure, or any of the rest of you, telling me what to do and how to do it! I can take care of myself!"  
  
"And her, Kyou? Can you take care of her?"  
  
Kyou felt the air knocked out of him.  
  
"Can you protect her?" Hatori leaned a little closer to the boy. "Would you even know where to start?"  
  
Kyou shook the cobwebs out of his head. Hanajima could take care of herself; she was strong, she was powerful. More powerful than Hatori. But more powerful than Akito? Coldness overtook him.  
  
"What does it matter?" he bit back tears. He would NOT cry in front of Hatori. "I'm dead anyway. In a year none of this will matter, so why can't I enjoy myself while I can? I'm as good as dead in a year."  
  
"What will that do to her, I wonder."  
  
"Hatori... don't..." His eyes burned and stung. He wasn't going to cry, no, he wasn't.  
  
"None of us get that, Kyou," Hatori's own voice seemed strained, as though he too were holding back tears. "That happiness... it's not meant for us."  
  
"That isn't true..."  
  
"Read the histories." Hatori gestured behind him to several volumes dedicated to the history of the Sohma curse. The futility of everything closed in on him. How could he hope to have a chance, with everything stacked against him? He felt that the books were crushing his chest.  
  
"I like her..." he admitted softly.  
  
"You have to stop before it becomes more than that. For her sake, if not for your own. Don't bring her into this world, Kyou. Don't inflict that on her."  
  
Now the tears had escaped his eyes, forcing their way out and down his cheeks, even as he struggled to stop them. What had he been thinking? He would be a punishment to Hanajima, a punishment she didn't deserve. What could he offer her? A little over a year of hiding, of trying to keep their relationship secret from his family, and then, he would be gone forever. She didn't deserve that.  
  
"Ok..." he choked out. "I understand." And he stood up, slid his shoes on, and went into the night air.  
  
Hatori stayed at his desk like that for some time after, not moving. He was sure if he moved, he would break down, and Hatori never broke down. Hatori was the adult, sometimes he felt like the only adult in the entire Sohma family, or at least among the cursed. He was more their father than their cousin, always the one turned to in a crisis, always mature, always serious. And he had never resented that role as fully as he did at that moment. He had seen the look in Kyou's eyes as he'd realized the truth of his words. He had watched that boy's heart break, and it had broken his own. He wished he could have told his cousin to take the girl and run, get out of here, get far away from here, far away from Akito. After all, what would he miss?  
  
But he knew he never could.  
  
- - - - -  
  
Next week... No Ha-san, I'm sad to say, but the lovers finally spend some more time together. 


	12. Since It Must Be So

12.  
Since It Must Be So  
  
He didn't go home that night. Even though it was cold and he was hungry, the thought of going home made him sick. Everywhere he looked, he only saw another wall. And for the first time in his life, Kyou was too exhausted to get angry about it. Arms crossed against the autumn winds, he wished he had thought to grab his coat before he left. Of course at that time he'd only been thinking of getting the hell away from Shigure before the irritating dog drove him to violence.  
  
He drew in a ragged breath, and tried to push Hatori's strained voice out of his head. "That happiness... it's not meant for us... I don't want anyone to get hurt... Don't inflict that on her..."  
  
He walked. For hours. Until he lost track of where he was, and his skin was numb from the cold. His stomach rumbled unhappily. He could feel dozens of feline eyes watching him from alleyways and windows, and it bothered him. Everywhere he went, someone was always watching, and he couldn't get away from this curse.  
  
The sky to the east had taken on a slight iridescence when he saw her. Walking toward him, that black cloak she was so fond of streaking behind her, her unbound hair streaming along beside it. He wanted both to run away and go towards her, so he settled for staying where he was.  
  
Silently she handed him a basket. He stared at it for a second, not understanding, and finally opened it, revealing sandwiches and fruit. "I heard you," she said simply, leading him to a nearby bench, seating herself, and looking up expectantly.  
  
"Heard...me?" Kyou was confounded.  
  
"You were hungry."  
  
He sat down and looked through the food. "You made this for me?"  
  
"I'm not Tohru in the kitchen, but I can make sandwiches, thank you."  
  
"No, I- Um. Arigato." His face colored slightly, and he quietly unwrapped one of the sandwiches and took a bite. Tuna. He smiled.  
  
They sat in silence together for a while as Kyou ate. He was ravenous from not eating all night. Hanajima alternated between watching him and watching the sky get lighter. When Kyou had taken the edge off his hunger, about midway through his third sandwich, he licked his lips and nervously asked "What else did you 'hear?'"  
  
She turned her attention back to him. "I'm not a spy," she said softly, slightly hurt.  
  
"I didn't mean that you are," he muttered, embarassed again. "But something happened."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"I don't want to say yet," he finished. "In a little while. Not yet." It was selfish of him, maybe, but he wanted a few minutes longer before he broke everything off.  
  
She nodded her agreement, and they lapsed into quiet again, eyes turned toward the sky.  
  
"Oy, Hanajima?"  
  
"Ah?"  
  
"Do you remember that day? In the woods?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
"What you asked me?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
"Well. I do. But not the way you meant it."  
  
She turned and fixed her eyes on him gently. "I know." Hesitantly, she brushed some of his hair away from his eyes and let her fingers rest on his temple for a moment. "You told me. Before you ever realized it."  
  
"You're weird," he told her, with awkward affection.  
  
Hanajima nodded. "So are you. Kyou-kun." The slightest hint of a question in that "kun." Kyou had never cared much about the honorifics, but he had to admit that hearing the more familiar form from her gave him a peculiar, pleasant feeling. Hana noted that his cheeks had gone pink again. Quietly they watched the sky, content for the moment not to think. But a question was swirling in Kyou's mind, and he couldn't escape it, couldn't dodge its attack, and he felt it growing stronger, until he couldn't hold it in any longer. Much as he wanted to prevent it, the inevitable could only be delayed so long.  
  
"Hanajima? Do you believe in curses?"  
  
"Curses? Of course," she responded, and, as though to emphasize her point, a wisp of energy began to curl its way through the centimeters between them.  
  
"No, I don't mean that kind of thing," he frowned, shaking his head. "I mean a curse, like in a fairy tale. Like someone or -thing could actually put a curse on a person. Or a group of people."  
  
"Like a family, for instance?" her tone loaded with significance.  
  
"Sure," he said noncommittally. "Do you think that's possible?"  
  
"Hai," she said slowly. "I believe it." She thought of her younger brother, serious expressioned, head bent over a dusty volume... "What kind of curse, Kyou-kun?"  
  
He was silent for a while, thinking all of the things he couldn't tell her about. His cat form was just the beginning. He thought about his mother, about Akito, about Yuki. His mother. Her scent, like lemon and summer. Her long fingernails clutching his hand. Checking his wrist. Checking again. Hatori's blind eye stared at him. He heard ringing in his ears the voice of Momiji's mother, that German woman, declaring her hatred for her son, and saw again the little boy hiding by the doorway, hearing her say it. He remembered Kisa in the hospital. And then the funeral, crashing on him like a wave. His mother being laid to rest, and the whispers. Where could he begin?  
  
Through this all, Hanajima sat and waited for him. She watched his face. Some of the stronger images crept into her mind, and what she saw disturbed her. Had his childhood been as bad as all that? Why was there nothing but pain? Her own childhood had been terrible enough, but there had at least been Megumi to support her. What had happened to the Sohmas, that they were all so miserable? What kind of curse could have destroyed so many lives?  
  
At length, Kyou spoke. He pulled his feet onto the bench and sat hugging his knees. "They won't let me do what I want. They're always saying how it's for the best, and they're usually full of it," - he tightened his hands into fists when he thought about it - "but this time I guess they're right, and I hate it. I hate agreeing with Hatori, and I hate that Shishou told him in the first place, and-" he cut himself off with a glance at her face. "Gomen."  
  
"Are they right, then? This time?"  
  
"Probably... It's complicated. It's all tied up in things I'm not allowed to talk about, and things that could put you in danger, or put me in danger, and it makes me so mad!" Those hot tears were back again, brimming at the back of his eyes. He stood up and walked several steps away, so she wouldn't see his weakness. "It's like not being able to breathe. Everything else is bad enough, but on top of it they have to take away any chance at finding someone else to care about us! I hate it!" He picked up a small rock and hurled it into the street, but it did nothing to calm the storm inside him. It had been brewing since he'd left Hatori's and only just exploded.  
  
Hanajima stayed where she was, her face a mask of inexpressive calm. She didn't understand what exactly he meant, but she could feel his frustration, spiraling out from him and encircling her. And underneath it, a deeper, more ancient longing, a sorrow that couldn't be expressed in any human manner. A desperate, primitive, human need to be loved, to be accepted, to be touched. The agony of lonliness broke her heart, and she reached inward, tapping her inner reserves of peace and strength, and, concentrating, for she'd never attempted anything quite like this, pushed a tendril of it out towards him, letting it wrap around him.  
  
Kyou didn't know what she'd done, but he felt a warmth and gentleness embracing him, creeping into his chest. It was like hot water to sore muscles, easing the tension out of him. And then he felt Hana behind him, her face pressed against his back, and her hands found his, their fingers became entangled. He felt himself relax against her. "I understand. I understand," she kept whispering. The warmth created by the two of them was gentle, but insistently emotional, coaxing tears out of both of them, and it was strangely comforting to hear emotion in the normally stoic girl's voice. Kyou closed his eyes, let his mind go blank, and for several moments, they simply stood there, experiencing each other's closeness, while the sky got lighter and lighter...  
  
"Sa-chan..." he murmered. Hanajima felt such a surge of excitement when he called her by her given name, and not only that, but by "-chan," that she was afraid she would lose control and blast his mind open with denpa. "Sa-chan, how do you do this?" Choked with emotion, his voice was strained.  
  
"Do what, Kyou-kun?"  
  
Taking one hand out of hers, he wiped his eyes. She, standing behind him, pressed against him like this... how could he do what he knew he had to do? He'd never felt so peaceful before. How could he break this moment and then never see her again?  
  
But Hatori's eye stared at him with its veil of blindness. Could Hanajima really have a chance against Akito? He couldn't take that risk.  
  
"You don't understand what will happen," he whispered. "If he knew."  
  
"Who is he?"  
  
"As far as we are concerned, he's god," he said with disgust. "They say we don't have a choice. They say that's just how it is."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because that's how it's always been..." He paused, breathing in the scent of early morning along with the powdery smell of girl. "He's going to put me away... So it doesn't even matter..."  
  
"What doesn't matter?"  
  
"Nothing matters. He's going to put me away. That's why this can't go on." He stepped away from her, beginning to feel like he might throw up. "I can't bring you into that world. You don't deserve it."  
  
Her hand on his arm, she turned him so they were face to face. "You mean the world I see here?" her fingers traced his face boldly.  
  
"You see it?"  
  
"Fragments only."  
  
"Then you know why I don't want you to be there."  
  
"If you show me everything, I can decide for myself."  
  
"No!" He tore away from her, his expression wild. "That would be the worst of all! No, no, no! It would be even worse then, if you knew everything!"  
  
"You can let me. I'm not afraid of what you are."  
  
"That's only because you don't know what I am!" he was on the verge of losing control. "You saw fragments! You don't know Akito! He'd-" he cut himself off suddenly, and then, in a low voice, "He'd kill you if he felt like it."  
  
"I won't let him kill me," Hanajima assured him, and Kyou began to think that she might be more powerful than Akito, after all. She certainly seemed to think so. But he thought of the palpable chill that seemed to come off of Akito, and shivered. He wasn't convinced.  
  
"He might hurt Tohru," he said in an even lower voice, his head lowered. "At least he'd have her memory erased. She'd have to go live with those jerks again..."  
  
"Tohru-kun?" Saki froze. "Tohru-kun would be in danger?"  
  
"Hai..." Kyou felt exhausted. The sun was creeping over the horizon, and both of the teenagers looked pale and tired in the light. "Gomen, Sa-chan... Gomen. This is my fault. I don't know- I guess you must like me, cause you brought me this food and you did all this for me. And I- I guess you probably know I like you." He felt awkward and silly, suddenly. The mental connection they'd had just moments earlier was gone now, and he was back to himself.  
  
She bowed slowly. "Sayonara, then, Kyon-chan," she said in her ordinary voice, and began to walk towards home. School would be starting fairly soon and she needed to get changed. Kyou watched her gliding movements with a mixture of awe and longing. That was his last chance at knowing the happiness of romantic attachment walking away from him, he reflected. Her movements were so smooth, in a way that he used to find unsettling, but right now they seemed nothing more than one of many wonderful idiosyncracies that he was going to miss terribly now that he was sure she wouldn't be his.  
  
He was too tired for more anger, so it was with dejection and hurt that he made his way towards home. And with the house looming before him, the prospect of Tohru-kun's cheery greeting and happy servitude only made him feel worse. The last thing he wanted was for her to lavish him with attention and make him a special breakfast. He wanted to go to his futon and sleep the rest of his life away. It was utterly futile to be a Sohma and try for happiness. He scrambled to the roof and managed to open his bedroom window by lying down and hanging his upper body upside down. He dropped onto the floor and, kicking off his shoes, collapsed into his bed. He'd been up since dawn the day before, and he had no desire to see anyone or go to school today. He was going to sleep until he felt a little better.  
  
Just before he dropped off, it occurred to him to wonder whether the yankee was going to bother him about what had happened this morning.  
  
- - - - -  
  
Author's Note on the Title of this Chapter: "Sayonara" literally translates to "Since it must be so" (more or less, or so I read once). Which is why I have Hanajima use the Japanese word instead of its English equivelent, "Goodbye," which has much less romantic implications.  
  
And now some bad news for you... No new chapter for next week, because I'm going to be out of town for a friend's wedding. Expect chapter 13 the following Saturday, possibly earlier if I get the chance, but I can't promise anything as far as that goes. Sorry! 


	13. Study Group

Ok, yes, this is late. Gomen, but it was REALLY hard to write this one. Anyway:  
  
13. Study Group  
  
Neither of them discussed the matter with the others. Saki was politely, but firmly evasive to Arisa's questions and Tohru's fretting, and would only say that she and Kyou had agreed that it was not a good idea to date each other. Kyou, on the other hand, didn't say anything about it to anyone.  
  
Tohru was worried about him. She'd never seen Kyou quite like this before. He was often sulky or upset about one thing or another, but this was an entirely different sort of situation. He didn't sulk, didn't stomp around the house in a bad mood, he was just... there. Often with a dark, pensive expression on his face. He still went through his exercises every morning, and often in the afternoons, but when she saw him through the kitchen window, he seemed like he was going through the motions, rather than the energetic joy she'd seen in him doing martial arts before. And worst of all was his indifference to Yuki.  
  
Yuki would never have admitted it, even to himself, but he was also worried about Kyou. He told himself that he only cared because it made Honda-san so obviously distressed. Really, that cat was so inconsiderate of her! His concern showed itself in different ways, of course. He tried to pick fights with Kyou, hoping that a good fight would get the baka neko back to his annoying self, but Kyou would just shrug and mutter that it was pretty pointless, and then wander off to his room.  
  
The house was too quiet, and the other three residents were feeling extremely unsettled.  
  
- - - - -  
  
Eventually, Kyou did start to come back to himself. It took a few weeks, and the snow was thick on the ground before he felt normal enough to get into a fight with Yuki. The boys promptly had one of the most exciting fights they ever had, and crashed through not just one, but two of Shigure's walls. Surveying the damage, Shigure remarked, "Maybe I should invest in a Western style house." But he was secretly happy to see Kyou being active again, and, despite the terrible chill, managed to be in a fine mood for the rest of the day, and even wrote three entire chapters that night.  
  
Tohru was so happy when Kyou threw a punch at Yuki that she had tears in her eyes, and didn't at all mind helping to repair the house. It was an absolute pleasure. She was so thrilled she made Kyou's favorite meal for dinner that night, although Shigure and Yuki pointed out that he shouldn't really be rewarded for starting a fight. Neither of them meant their protestations, of course; they were both relieved to have Kyou back to normal as well, but they weren't going to show it to him for anything.  
  
As for Kyou, after dinner he settled into his room to do some studying. He didn't feel great, but he'd performed pretty well in the duel, and was pleased with having landed several good hits on the pretty boy, even if he had ultimately lost. His body felt energized. It'd been hard, the last several weeks. Impossibly hard. The knowledge that he was helpless against the will of Akito had been weighing him down, but he was beginning to develop a new attitude about it. Since he only had a little over a year left of his life before being thrown into that cage, he would at least not spend it being depressed about it. Since making that decision a few days before, he'd been feeling progressively better and more normal, and had found himself getting pissed about stupid things again, and having interest in school again.  
  
But she was still there, in his thoughts. And he still stared at her in class sometimes, even though he didn't mean to. He wondered about her at odd moments. The day before, he'd seen a little girl with black hair being picked on by some stupid kids, and, after having scared the bullies off, he'd remembered her stories about the children from her elementary school, and felt a strong desire to hear more. He knew there was more that she wasn't telling, and he wished that he'd listened more carefully or asked her about it, something. What he knew about her was nothing compared to all she knew of him. And now it was too late. He wouldn't ever know anything about her, and he wanted so much to know everything. He'd never know what her favorite ice cream was, or what authors she liked or hated. It seemed to him, now, that such trivialities were of vital importance, and he hated that he'd wasted what time he'd had with her only thinking about her beauty.  
  
That, of course, he could still enjoy from afar.  
  
He was far from happy, but he had left miserable behind. He tried the best he could to push thoughts of Hanajima out of his head, to focus on other things, but at night they still crept back to him, no matter what he did.  
  
He was firm in his resolve, though. And he knew that she wouldn't want to risk putting Tohru into danger. He wasn't very perceptive, but even he had noticed her extreme protectiveness of Tohru; the way she and the yankee defended her against the nezumi's fan club was enough to show him that. He felt a kind of strange confidence in the knowledge that Hana would protect Tohru before anything else. As long as she was worried about Tohru, Hanajima would be safe.  
  
And so, he hoped, would he.  
  
- - - - -   
  
One way or another, they got through the winter, the snows melted and the flowers blossomed. Avoiding each other was becoming impossible. It was the end of the term, finals were looming before them, stormclouds on the horizon, and Uotani suggested a study session for the next Saturday afternoon, when their morning classes ended.  
  
"That's a good idea, Uo-chan!" Tohru's face brightened. "I would be happy for any help with my studies, although," her face fell a little, "I don't think I would be much help to you."  
  
"Tohru-kun, you sell yourself short," Hanajima said soothingly.  
  
"Honda-san is not as hopeless as she thinks," added Yuki, almost - almost - flushing a little pink when he said so. "But I think Uotani-san's idea is a fine suggestion. We could have it at our home."  
  
"Oy, baka nezumi, what are you doing, inviting people over without checking with anyone?" Kyou felt like picking a fight.  
  
"Shut up, baka neko," Yuki said cooly, dismissively. "Shigure won't be upset."  
  
"What about me, kuso? I live there too!"  
  
"Hmph. You hardly count."  
  
Kyou's eyes flared, his fists raised, and he started to leap forward, only to meet with Arisa's hand pushing him back. "Calm down, Carrot Head. What a commotion over such a little thing!"  
  
"Will Kyou-kun join us for the studying?" Tohru grasped his hand in hers eagerly.  
  
"Iie. I don't need that kuso nezumi's help to pass a few tests!"  
  
"Like I'd want to help a baka neko in the first place."  
  
"Perhaps Kyou-kun could help some of the rest, as well," Hanaijma suggested mildly.  
  
"What?!" He turned on her, warily.  
  
"That brick-brain?" Uo-chan sneered.  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"Kyou-kun is very smart," Tohru began.  
  
"Although his reputation would suggest otherwise," Hana's eyes glittered with amusment.  
  
"You- want me to come?" For a moment, Kyou forgot about the others standing around, focused on Hanajima. She wanted him to be there.  
  
Uotani's smirk drew him back to reality. "Look at his face; somebody has a crush!"  
  
The face of which she'd spoken grew beet-red. "What are you talking about? What a stupid thing to say!" he screamed, stomping away. Arisa was laughing so hard she almost couldn't manage to taunt him again.  
  
"He's too easy," she remarked, holding her sides from the laughter. The other three looked at her with expressions inscrutable (Yuki and Hanajima) and perplexed (Tohru).  
  
"Right after school on Saturday, then?" Yuki asked after a moment.  
  
"I'll be there," Uotani replied cheerfully.  
  
"So will I," agreed Hanajima. "Perhaps Tohru-kun could be convinced to make us some snacks for while we study? Hunger makes it so difficult to concentrate," she added.  
  
- - - - -  
  
So that Saturday, with a plate of cookies and other small treats, the five of them settled around the big table at Shigure's with their textbooks to get ready for finals. Kyou sat at the far end of the table, a scowl etched into his features as he regarded the others. He didn't know how to teach others, and he didn't need any help from them, so why had he bothered? He hadn't intended to, that much he knew. But when he saw the three girls sitting there with Yuki, he'd just had to sit down, too. The others had accepted his presence without comment, although Arisa had raised her eyebrow at him with her favorite smirk, before pushing her English text at him and cheerfully insisting that he test her vocabulary abilities. Surprised, he complied.  
  
Their little group almost immediately had split into two different ones. The first was Yuki and Tohru, who became absorbed in Tohru's tutoring. The second was by far the more interesting, as Uotani tried first to get Hana to pay attention, and, failing that, tried to get Kyou to make Hana pay attention.  
  
"Why'd you come to the study group, if you aren't going to study?" Uo demanded.  
  
"For the snacks. And I am studying."  
  
"You've been looking at the same page of that book for twenty minutes! Oy, Carrot Boy, you better explain this verb-placement thing to her, or she'll be left back this year."  
  
"Verb placement is not important," Saki said mildly.  
  
"It is to passing your English final."  
  
"It is not important in the great scheme of things."  
  
"Well that's great, Hana-chan, but we're talking about finals right now, you know?"  
  
Hana stretched her arms out over her head and said in her solemn way, "You know the tragic tale of my brain. Remember... the letters sent home, the tutoring sessions."  
  
"You're so full of it," Kyou interupted, just as she was really getting started. "We all know you're not as dumb as you say you are. You just don't feel like studying, so you don't."  
  
Arisa grinned. "Look at that. The Sohma boy actually noticed something. And here I thought you were just a big idiot, Kyon-chan."  
  
Embarassed, his scowl returned. "Why don't you ever mind your business?"  
  
"My business isn't as interesting as yours," she replied, almost challengingly. "After all, you've got a rage problem AND a crush on my best friend!"  
  
"WHAT?" Kyou's outburst even caught Yuki and Tohru's attention. "If you weren't a girl, I'd-"  
  
"Go ahead and try!"  
  
He slammed his book onto the table, HARD, his heartbeat thudding in his ears. He flexed his fingers as if he could extend his claws in this form, and felt a mad desire to scratch up Uotani's face. "Just... just..." He couldn't find a single word to tell Arisa exactly what he thought of her and her nosy behavior. Shaking with the effort it took not to rip her head clean off, he slowly stood up, gritting his teeth. He could almost feel his bristling tail, even in human form. Silently, he left the house.  
  
The others exchanged shocked looks.  
  
"I was just teasing him a little," Arisa said, apologetically. "I just thought he'd get mad and be entertaining, like normal."  
  
Saki's brow was furrowed, watching where he'd disappeared.  
  
"Hana-chan?"  
  
"It's all right," she said soothingly, patting Uo's hand. "You had no way of knowing. I should have said something." She stood up, smoothing her skirt out as she did.  
  
"Hana-chan, usually Kyou-kun just needs to be left alone when he's upset," Tohru said.  
  
"If that's true, then I'll be back soon." She slipped out. She saw him at the edge of the forest, leaning his forehead against the bark of a tree. She could see him trembling.  
  
"Kyou-kun."  
  
He inhaled sharply when he heard her voice. He'd known she would be coming, hadn't he? He turned his face to look at her, and, still wordless, he walked into the trees. She followed.  
  
"This is impossible," he said sadly.  
  
"Do you think so?" She wandered ahead of him, lightly sprang onto a fallen tree trunk. "Why do you let people get to you so much?"  
  
"I don't mean to. I don't know."  
  
"She means no harm."  
  
"Why DO you pretend to be stupid?" Kyou blurted out suddenly.  
  
"Do I? What makes you think I'm pretending? Maybe I am stupid."  
  
"I know you aren't. But you tell people at school that you are."  
  
"You don't exactly publicize your intelligence either, Kyou-kun."  
  
"We're not talking about me! Why do you pretend to be stupid?"  
  
She thought about that for a moment. "Do you know how Uotani and I got to be such good friends? Of course we met because of Tohru, but having a best friend in common isn't enough to make us best friends as well."  
  
"What does this have to do with-" She held up her hand to silence him, then went on:  
  
"We discovered that both of us do meanspirited things without any actual ill will. Uotani likes to tease people, because she thinks it's funny when people are angry. I like to be confusing and scary. And isn't a stupid psychic scarier than a smart one?" A brief, mischievous smile flickered over her face.  
  
"That's..." he grinned despite himself. "That's awful."  
  
"People like us have to make our own fun," she told him. "You know that."  
  
"Like us?"  
  
"Different." Her voice dropped to a whisper that somehow still seemed loud, as though the forest itself rejected the next word. "Cursed."  
  
Kyou shuddered.  
  
"We have to protect each other. And ourselves," she added, her voice swallowed in the spring sunlight. Her heavy violet eyes rested on his face tenderly. "I will always protect you."  
  
The gentle promise was too much. He shook his head violently. "No, don't. Don't waste your time."  
  
Her eyes clouded with empathy. "That's what you really think," she said, almost to herself. "That it would be a waste."  
  
"Hanajima, go back to the house. Please."  
  
"You have to tell me."  
  
"No!" He backed away from her wildly. "No, I can't!"  
  
"Tell me," her voice, her face, were softly pleading, not demanding. She could take the information from him if she wanted, but it wasn't his secret she wanted. She wanted him to trust her with it.  
  
"Go back to the house!" he shouted.  
  
The air felt different. It felt charged, as though a lightning storm was imminent. Hana knew this feeling was coming from her. She knew that she wasn't controlling herself as she ought, but now it seemed that she'd started something bigger than herself. She felt on the verge of something both great and terrible, the strange emotional world she'd closed off within herself for so long threatening to come loose, and she felt a blind terror at the idea of facing that world on her own. There was that power inside of her that so often she'd used to confuse and scare her classmates for a laugh, but so intense now she feared she was at its mercy, utterly and completely. Once before, she'd felt it overpower her, only once. There had been the accidents, there had been those times she'd been afraid or hurt others, but only once before had it overwhelmed her like this, and the memory of that day only intensified her fear. As though she were again a little girl beneath the water...  
  
Then she found the strength to push it away, forcibly, sitting down as she did so, her energy drained.  
  
"Saki-chan?" he asked with worry. He'd sensed it all, although he didn't understand it.  
  
"Did you know," she looked up at him with heavy, desperately sad eyes. "that once I almost killed someone?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"When I was a child. Before I could control all this. He was in the hospital for a long time after. In a coma. I had to leave school after that. No one wanted their children in school with me. That was when I knew."  
  
"Knew what?"  
  
"That they were right," she said softly, hollowly. "That I was a witch. Or a devil. Or worse."  
  
"No. No, Sa-chan." He knelt down next to her, rested his head on hers. "Please don't say that." Their hands found each other. "Who was he?"  
  
"A boy from school."  
  
He kissed her hair. "I killed someone."  
  
"No you didn't."  
  
"I did," his voice broke with pain. "I killed my mother." 


	14. Downpour

I have no excuse for how late this chapter is, except insane writer's block and being away from my computer for several days.  
  
14.  
Downpour  
  
He didn't expect the shower. Usually, his body warned him of even the most sudden spring rains. Perhaps Hanajima's unexpected breakdown had distracted him. All he knew was one moment, they were kneeling on the ground together, and the next, rain was pouring relentlessly down onto them. Saki lifted her face to the torrent, and in a placid voice observed, "It's raining."  
  
"Yeah," said Kyou softly. "Yeah it is." He rubbed his face like a cranky child. "I need to go home."  
  
"The rain makes you sick."  
  
"Ha- hai." His skin began to itch and crawl, it wanted to shed itself. "Gomen. I have to -" he got to his feet, silently praying that his strength would hold up until he reached the house. Hana made a move to help him, but he pushed her away, fear of transforming clutching at his heart. Without thinking, his hand tested his bracelet, made sure it wouldn't come loose. Nothing could possibly be more terrible than showing her... THAT.  
  
Her eyes were glued to his wrist, where his fingers sought the beads. It felt so familiar. She watched as he took a slow step in the direction of home, his head hanging and his arms crossed over his chest. There was a very strange feeling attached to all of this, something she couldn't explain. The denpa she felt from him were altogether new, fearful, sad, and somewhat menacing. Yet she was sure she'd felt something like it before. She couldn't place it, but it scared her.  
  
She reached out, helpless against the wave of anguish that had crashed between them moments earlier. He claimed to be a murderer, and how could she really know it wasn't true? "I killed my mother," he'd told her, and all she had done was stare.  
  
And now he was walking away, through the rain that for some reason changed his denpa and made him sick, refusing to let her help him, and again, all she could do was stare. She felt paralyzed, watching him stumble away and unsure of what to do, soaked with the rain, her school skirt clinging to her legs, shivering in the slight wind.  
  
And then, when he was at the edge of the woods, where it opened into the yard, she started running after him.  
  
"Don't!" he gasped as she came near. "Don't touch me, don't- You can't see it."  
  
She grasped his shoulders firmly, staying an arm's length away. "You didn't really. She made that choice. Didn't she?"  
  
Silent, Kyou disentangled himself from her touch. He didn't want to hear this, not right now. He kept aiming for the house, willing himself on though each step was becoming harder. Just please, he thought, please don't let something happen. Don't let her see that... that monster.  
  
It was just at that moment that Hana placed the new denpa.  
  
- - - - -  
  
"What's wrong, Hanajima?"  
  
"Hana-chan, what happened? Your face got so white!"  
  
"Something... A strange creature in the rain."  
  
"It's not raining, Hana-chan."  
  
"No, not here. Not now."  
  
"Did you have a vision?"  
  
"I don't know. I saw it."  
  
"What was it?"  
  
"I don't know. An animal. Not like any animal on earth. Alone in the rain. In so much pain..."  
  
- - - - -  
  
She stumbled back, eyes not focusing. She didn't understand, or didn't want to understand. She couldn't recall the creature's body, only that it had been frighteningly ugly. All that had remained with her was its sorrow, and its energy. The same energy she felt from Kyou since the rains began.  
  
Every living thing had a unique denpa. A signature energy pattern that, like signatures or fingerprints, evolved with time, but were individual. Never in all her life had Hanajima come across two things with the same wave. It wasn't possible.  
  
Somehow, the creature she'd seen in her vision was Kyou.  
  
Tohru and Yuki had come out of the house by now, and Yuki was trying to get Kyou to lean on him to get him into the house, which Kyou was stubbornly refusing. Tohru came running with umbrellas, and she gave one to Hana and ran to hold the other over Kyou's head for him.  
  
Inside, Hana found herself fussed over as Shigure and Yuki hauled Kyou upstairs. Everything seemed to be happening around her, and she found it difficult to concentrate as Tohru led her to her bedroom to change out of her wet clothes. Quietly, she stripped her wet uniform off and obligingly put on the skirt and sweater that her friend handed her. Bowing apologetically, Tohru excused herself to check on the sick boy, and Hana found herself standing alone in the bedroom. For a moment she could only stand there, frozen to the floor, unsure of what to do, but before long, there was a familiar rap at the door, and Uo-chan's face appeared.  
  
"You ok, Hana-chan?" Arisa was surprised by Hanajima's pallor. "Your face is whiter than normal." She walked into the room and slid the door closed behind her. "What happened out there?"  
  
After a long pause, Saki answered the only way she could: "I'm not sure." She closed her eyes and once again felt her energy drain. "This has been a hard day, Arisa."  
  
"Looks like it." Uotani slid her arm around Hanajima's waist. "C'mon. You need to dry your hair." As she led her out of the room, Uo added playfully, "You look ridiculous in Tohru's clothes, by the way."  
  
In the washroom, Hana leaned over the bathtub and squeezed the excess water out of her braid. "The wave here is all wrong, Uo-chan. I don't know what to make of it."  
  
"Eh?" Uo handed her a comb. "Are you scared?"  
  
"Scared? I don't think I can be afraid until I know what's going to happen." She combed her damp hair thoughtfully. "But something is going to happen. Or, at least," she added, her brow wrinkling. "At least, I'm going to do something."  
  
Expression serious, Arisa took hold of her wrists. "What do you mean? Hanajima?"  
  
"I'm not sure yet. But something has to change here. Someone has to do something, because they're all too afraid." She shook the unsettling thoughts from her mind and smiled at her friend. "I'm sorry, Uo-chan. I'm being strange, aren't I?"  
  
"Even more than usual."  
  
"We should probably leave, since Kyou-kun is ill. It is a bad time for company."  
  
"Right."  
  
Hanajima glanced at herself in the mirror. Tohru's short skirt looked odd on her, but at least it was a dark color. The light pink sweater, however, was horrifying to the girl who rarely wore anything that wasn't black or purple. "This does look ridiculous," she agreed mournfully. 


	15. Sunburst

15.  
Sunburst  
  
He had been in bed for hours, but he didn't feel rested at all. He drifted in and out of a feverish sleep, muttering curses unintelligibly. He hadn't felt so sick in a long time. He sighed, mostly awake for the time being, and adjusted his position. Was his futon always this uncomfortable? He glared around at his room. Yuki had brought his schoolbooks and papers up for him after the abruptly-ended study session and had just tossed them in an untidy stack on his desk. "Just like a stupid mouse," he groaned. "They live in their own filth." At least cats were clean, he thought with a weird sense of pride. Well, that was a first. Too bad the rest of the family wouldn't see it in that light. He yawned and rolled over, stretching his arms out and over his head and waiting for sleep to come over his tired body.  
  
But his sensitive ears caught a new noise over the drumming of raindrops, and he raised his head a little off his pillow, straining over his exhaustion to catch it again. It was a tapping at the window, and then, to his great surprise, the window itself opened and a body appeared. He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Was he dreaming, after all? But the shape of the girl was still there, quietly removing her soaking cloak and draping it over the chair at his desk. His eyes followed her, but she didn't speak, just stood and waited.  
  
"How did you...?" he started to ask. But it didn't matter, so he let it drop. He noticed she was shivering slightly - of course, it was a long walk from her house in this rain, and the woods must have been cold. In his exhaustion, he forgot any sense of propriety he may have had, and, taking her hand, led her to his futon and pulled the covers over them as they lay face to face.  
  
"Why is Saki here?"  
  
"So Kyon-chan can say what he wants to say." She ignored his use of her given name, just as she was ignoring that he had been sleeping without a shirt, just as she was ignoring how extremely improper it was for her to be there in the first place, let alone in his bed. There was no need to worry about what was acceptable to others, as neither of them ever had before.  
  
Kyou's eyes closed and opened and closed again, slowly, sleepily. With Hanajima there, he felt strangely safe, comforted, and warm. He could smell her damp skin and hear her breath, and it felt somehow right to him.  
  
"You're shivering?" she asked him gently.  
  
He nodded his head towards the window. "Rain..."  
  
"I want to show you what I saw," her melodious, alien voice rippled over his senses.  
  
"Ok."  
  
He felt the touch of her cool fingers on his forehead and an image began to form in his mind. A shock went through him.  
  
It was THAT. It was the monstrous, evil, horrible thing that he became. He let out a small cry, shaking violently, and pushed her hand away.  
  
"Kyou-kun?" Saki's voice cutting through his fear, soothing and low. "What it is it?"  
  
"Where did you see that?" he sobbed quietly.  
  
"In my head. Kyou-kun. What IS it?"  
  
"The curse," he replied simply. "It's the curse." The storm inside him had passed, she had calmed him for now.  
  
She nodded.  
  
Kyou rubbed his face into the pillow, drying his tears. He was too tired to feel ashamed of crying.  
  
"Don't worry. The rain will pass soon," she told him tenderly.  
  
Almost as soon as she had said it, he felt the pressure ease in his mind, and the rain stopped beating against the roof. He looked at her with wonder. "Did you do that?"  
  
"No. I don't think I CAN do that."  
  
He felt himself sink into the futon, pulling the blankets around himself tighter. He was so sleepy. "Saki?" he murmered drowsily. "What would happen if I fell in love with you?" He was too tired to be shocked by his words, although he never would have said anything of the kind if he'd been awake.  
  
"If I see the future, I will let you know," she replied, her cheeks warm and her chest full of an unnameable emotion.  
  
He smiled sleepily and his hand stroked the back of her hair. "Sleep, Kyon-chan. I will keep you safe," she assured him.  
  
"I know..." He released a contentedly resigned sigh, and pulled her close against his body. "Don't scream when it happens..." he drifted into sleep at last. 


	16. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
Shigure opened the door a crack and peered inside. His sharp ears had caught Hanajima's ascent to Kyou's window, but he'd waited for an hour or so to peek in on them. He saw a girl, eyes closed, holding and petting a sleeping, purring ginger cat, and he smiled gently.  
  
Ha-san may want what's best, he thought, but that poor boy needs someone.  
  
Her eyes lifted and met his. She had sensed him spying. He smiled and placed a finger against his lips, assuring her of his silence. She nodded slowly; an agreement between them. Shigure let the door close. Yes, Hatori would be upset with him when he inevitably found out, but this was Shigure's house, and what went on here was none of Ha-san's business.  
  
-------  
  
Author's Notes  
  
Uh, yeah, so that's all, folks. Not quite the story I intended to write originally, but that's what it is. I hope that you find the ending somewhat satisfying, at least, even if I made you wait forever for it. Thanks for all of your great comments and support! 


End file.
